I recently ordered a thesaurus online and when it arrived it was blank. I literally have no words to describe how angry I am.
Delivery Style: Pun
Pun joke delivery styles, punchline pacing, and comedy formats for people with specific chaos preferences from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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The Wurst Is Yet to Come
I ordered some German food from DoorDash. The sauerkraut has arrived but the wurst is yet to come.
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Good Buoy
I took my dog to the lake today and noticed he floats very well.
He’s a very good buoy.
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Stuck It in Cider
A man with an unshakeable erection asks for help from the pharmacist.
The lady who attends to him has never seen a problem this persistent and is unsure how to proceed. At first, she tried putting it in rubbing alcohol, but that didn’t help. Next up was mild citric acid, but that had no effect. She tried dipping it into everything from mineral oil to shampoo, but nothing would cure it.
Finally, she had a bright idea and stuck it in cider.
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The Top 16 Lesser Known Paths to the Dark Side
The Top 16 Lesser Known Paths to the Dark Side
16. “Mr. Lucas — can I show you the preliminary sketches for my ‘Cute Gungan’ character?”
15. Do tequila shots while watching the Home Shopping Network.
14. At only $3.99, that Yanni CD is just too cheap to pass up. I mean, that’s practically FREE, man.
13. Hide your evil corporate doings behind the smiling face of a cartoon mouse.
12. “Whitney and Bobby, I now pronounce you man and wife.”
11. On a dare, watch a muted “Gigli” while listening to William Hung’s latest album.
10. Try to pay for more than 10 power converters in the Tashi Station express lane.
9. You feel an other-worldly presence inspiring you as you introduce Paris Hilton to Kato Kaelin.
8. Puns.
7. Your senior thesis: “John Wilkes Booth: American Patriot.”
6. Return to your childhood for inspiration in choosing your post-Jedi name, “Darth Blankie.”
5. “An interest-free loan? Oh man, Mr. Gotti, you’re a life-saver!”
4. A seemingly innocent pairing of Martha Stewart bed linens with Christopher Lowell pillow shams.
3. Tentatively decide to approach Ted Nugent with your idea for curbing the neighborhood’s population of stray pets.
2. “I love your hair, Mr. Trump.”
1. Offer your services to Death Row Records as house grammarian.
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It’s Pronounced Quiche
When Trump was still infesting the White House the first time around, he and Mike Pence were having breakfast.
The waitress asked Pence what he wanted and he replied, “I’d like a bowl of oatmeal and some fruit.”
“And what can I get for you, Mr. President?” asked the waitress.
Trump replied with his trademark lecherous leer, “How about a quickie this morning?”
“Mr. President!” the waitress exclaimed. “How rude!” And she stormed away.
Pence leaned over to Trump and whispered, “Mr. President, it’s pronounced quiche.”
