Format: dialogue

Dialogue comedy formats, jokes, memes, and punchlines organized for easier doom-scrolling from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • Mouse Mousse Way Too Much Food

    Mouse Mousse Way Too Much Food

  • Red Kinda Sus

    Red Kinda Sus

  • What The Fuck You Do All Day

    What The Fuck You Do All Day

  • The Female Brain Is Used

    A man went to the doctor’s. The doctor came in and said, “Well, I’ve got some good news and some bad news. Bad news is that you have an inoperable brain tumor. The good news is our hospital has just been certified to do brain transplants and there has been an accident right out front and a young couple was killed and you can have whichever brain you’d like. The man’s brain costs $100,000.00 and the woman’s brain costs $30,000.00.”

    The patient could not help but ask, “Why such a large difference between the male and female brain?”

    The doctor replied, “The female brain is used.”

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  • Haircuts — The Difference Between Men and Women

    Haircuts — The difference between men and women

    Women’s version:
    —————————
    Woman2: Oh! You got a haircut! That’s so cute!

    Woman1: Do you think so? I wasn’t sure when she gave me the mirror. I mean, you don’t think it’s too fluffy looking?

    Woman2: Oh God no! No, it’s perfect. I’d love to get my hair cut like that, but I think my face is too wide. I’m pretty much stuck with this stuff I think.

    Woman1: Are you serious? I think your face is adorable. And you could easily get one of those layer cuts – that would look so cute I think. I was actually going to do that except that I was afraid it would accent my long neck.

    Woman2: Oh – that’s funny! I would love to have your neck! Anything to take attention away from this two-by-four I have for a shoulder line.

    Woman1: Are you kidding? I know girls that would love to have your shoulders. Everything drapes so well on you. I mean, look at my arms – see how short they are? If I had your shoulders I could get clothes to fit me so much easier.

    Men’s version:
    ———————-
    Man2: Haircut?

    Man1: Yeah.

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  • All These Years Ive Been Wringing It

    Gary and Martin were standing at the urinals in a public lavatory, when Gary glanced over and noticed that Martin’s penis was twisted like a corkscrew.

    “Wow,” Gary said. “I’ve never seen one like that before.”

    “Like what?” Martin said.

    “All twisted like a pig’s tail,” Gary said.

    “Well, what’s yours like?” Martin said.

    “Straight, like normal,” Gary said.

    “I thought mine was normal until I saw yours,” Martin said.

    Gary finished what he was doing and started to give his old boy a shakedown prior to putting it back in his pants.

    “What did you do that for?” Martin said.

    “Shaking off the excess drops,” Gary said. “Like normal.”

    “Cripes,” Martin said. “And all these years I’ve been wringing it.”

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  • Take a Clean Dish

    Two confirmed bachelors sat talking. Their conversation drifted from politics to cooking. “I got a cookbook once,” said the first, “but I could never do anything with it.”

    “Too much fancy cooking in it, eh?” asked the second.

    “You said it. Every one of the recipes began the same way – ‘Take a clean dish and….’”

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  • Make Me a Woman

    A girl and a guy are in an elevator, and the girl takes off all her clothes and throws them on the ground and says, “Make me a woman.”

    The man takes off all his clothes and throws them on the ground and says pick them up.

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  • Climb the Fucking Walls

    The little boy greeted his grandmother with a hug and said, “I’m so happy to see you grandma. Now maybe daddy will do the trick he has been promising us.”

    The grandmother was curious. “What trick is that my dear?” she asked.

    The little boy replied, “I heard daddy tell mommy that he would climb the fucking walls if you came to visit us again.”

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  • They Dont Fuck Around at Those Crematoriums

    A seven-year-old turns up in his classroom one morning to be confronted by his teacher:

    Teacher: Morning Tommy, and why weren’t you at school yesterday?
    Tommy: Well Miss, my Grandad got burnt.
    Teacher: Oh Dear, he wasn’t too badly hurt I hope?
    Tommy: Oh yes Miss, they don’t fuck around at those crematoriums.

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