Format: dialogue

Dialogue comedy formats, jokes, memes, and punchlines organized for easier doom-scrolling from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • Worse Off Than I Am

    A judge is asking a husband why he wants a divorce.

    Husband, “Your honor, every so often, my wife makes me peel garlic, chop onions, and wash dishes.”

    Judge, “What’s the problem? Warm the garlic first, it peels easily. Put the onion in the fridge, no tears while chopping… I do this at least once a week. Soak the dishes for 10 minutes, they’ll clean themselves. I do this almost every day.”

    Husband, “Got it! Your honor, I withdraw my case.”

    Judge, “Why are you withdrawing?”

    Husband, “Cause apparently, you’re worse off than I am.”

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  • D-d-d-david

    A guy gets pulled over for speeding, and the officer says, “What’s your name, son?”

    He replies, “D-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir.”

    The officer looks at him suspiciously and says, “Oh, do you have a stutter?”

    The guy replies, “No, sir. My dad has a stutter, and the guy who filled out my birth certificate is an idiot.”

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  • Phallic Symbol

    Me: “It’s a phallic symbol.”

    Blonde Secretary in the office: “Ooh! I’d hate to tell you what it looks like!”

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  • A Fifteen Please

    A redhead walks into a bar. She walks up to the bartender and says, “I’d like a RW, please.”

    The bartender says, “What’s a RW, might I inquire?”

    “Red Wine, Duh!”

    The bartender serves her her drink. A brunette walks into the bar. “I’d like a WW, please.”

    “A WW is… what?”

    “White Wine, Duh!”

    Bartender serves her drink. In walks a blonde. “I’d like a Fifteen, please.”

    “What the HELL is a fifteen?”

    “Seven and seven, Duh!”

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  • Explain It Five Times

    A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender “Hey! Wanna hear a blonde joke?”

    The bar immediately becomes absolutely quiet. In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, “Before you tell that joke, you should know something. The BARTENDER is blond, the BOUNCER is blond and I’m a 6′ tall, 200 lb blond with a black belt in karate. What’s more, the guy sitting next to me is 6’2″, weighs 225 lb and he’s a blond weight lifter,” he continues, “The fella to your right is blond, 6’5″ and pushing 300 lb and he’s a wrestler. Think about it seriously, Mister. You still wanna tell that joke?”

    The blind guy goes: “Nah! Not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times.”

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  • Ive Got Windows

    A blonde girl enters a store that sells curtains. She tells the salesman:

    “I would like to buy a pink curtain in the size of my computer screen”.

    The surprised salesman replies: “But madam, computers do not have curtains…”.

    And the blonde said: “Helloooo…. I’ve got Windows!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

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  • The Seagull

    A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead were walking along the beach. A seagull flies over and craps all over the blonde. The brunette says in a disgusted voice, “Hang on. The bathroom is just up the hill. I’ll go get some toilet paper.”

    After she leaves the blonde begins to laugh. The redhead says, “What’s so funny?”

    The blonde says, “Well, blondes are supposed to be so dumb and look at her! By the time she gets back with that toilet paper that seagull will be miles away!”

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  • The Ball Kind

    A blonde goes over to the deodorant display and tells the clerk “I need to buy some deodorant for my husband.”

    “Does he use the ball kind?” enquired the clerk.

    “No,” replied the blonde, “The kind for under his arms.”

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  • Not Kinky Enough Daddy Long Legs

    Not Kinky Enough Daddy Long Legs

  • How Often Do Planes Crash

    How Often Do Planes Crash