One Liner Jokes, Memes & Dark Humor

Too Many Samples: A Sperm Bank Tale

I got fired because my boss said I was handing out too many free samples.

That’s the last time I get a job at a sperm bank.

I think my cat is a communist.

All he talks about is “Mao, Mao, Mao.”

Stevie Wonder has kids he’s never seen.

Did you hear about the guy who somehow got HIV from a toilet?
He sat down before the other guy got up.

I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite…

He said NaBrO

I accidentally took my cat’s medication last night.

Don’t ask meow.

I like how my new doctor knocks before he enters the exam room when I’m in there.

Because of his thoughtfulness, I may never get caught boosting drug samples and hypodermic needles again.

I wanted to start off the new year with a bang, but the wife said she had a headache.

Did you know that wolves can jump higher than an average 1 story house?

Absolutely true, but mostly because houses can’t jump very high.

If I ever blow up a building, I’m going to wire the bomb so that it goes off with 10 seconds still showing on the timer.

Won’t that guy with the wire cutters be surprised!