One Liner Jokes, Memes & Dark Humor

Gators vs. Crocs: Timing is Everything!

What’s the difference between an alligator, and a crocodile?

One you will see later; the other after a while.

As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way.

Maybe a career as a tour guide wasn’t the right choice.

Half of the people you know are below average.

I’ve had a lot of average students.

But none of them have been as mean as the ones I have this year.

I’ve decided that cremation is the only way I’m going to get a smoking hot body.

Blood donation centers ask way too many questions:

“Where’d you get it?”
“Whose blood is it?”
“Why is it in a bucket?”

Donate a kidney and you’re a hero.

Donate three and it’s nothing but questions.

I tried to donate a kidney but they kept asking where I got it from…

So when they burn a body at the crematorium, it’s “a respectful farewell to the departed.”

But when I do it, it’s “destroying evidence.”

My neighborhood barber was just arrested for selling drugs.

I was a customer for seven years. I never knew he was a barber.