One Liner Jokes, Memes & Dark Humor

Diarrhea Awareness Week: Knowledge is Power!

Diarrhea Awareness starts on Monday.

Runs through Friday.

I went to the gym the other day and my favorite machine was broken.

I couldn’t get any chocolate or Coke or anything.

My wife accused me of liking my relatives more than hers. I told her that was absolutely not true.

I thought her mother-in-law was much nicer than mine.

I just left the doctor’s office. He told me he wants me on clear liquids for the next 24 hours.

Between the rum, vodka, and gin, I shouldn’t run out.

I just rented a limo for $500, then learned that fee doesn’t even include a driver.

So I spent all that money and have nothing to chauffeur it!

What’s the difference between an alligator, and a crocodile?

One you will see later; the other after a while.

As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way.

Maybe a career as a tour guide wasn’t the right choice.

Half of the people you know are below average.

I’ve had a lot of average students.

But none of them have been as mean as the ones I have this year.

I’ve decided that cremation is the only way I’m going to get a smoking hot body.