Format: one-liner

One-liners, quick jokes, short-form comedy, and punchlines built for impatient degenerates from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • Safety in Numb Bears

    Most zoo dentists refuse to treat a grizzly without strong anesthesia first.

    Because there’s safety in numb bears.

  • The Tolkien White Guys

    The only two white actors in Black Panther are Martin Freeman, who played Bilbo Baggins, and Andy Serkis, who played Gollum.

    They’re the Tolkien white guys.

  • They Prefer to Eat Out

    Why don’t lesbians ever get their pizza delivered? They prefer to eat out.

  • Poop Deck Confusion Lands Lifetime Cruise Ban

    I haven’t been allowed back on a cruise ship ever since that whole ‘poop deck’ misunderstanding.

  • Wife’s Anatomy: Not What I Expected

    My wife says it’s okay to have a little penis. I still wish she didn’t have one, though.

  • Removing It From the Church

    What’s the hardest part of being an organ donor?

    Removing it from the church.

  • Ugly and Poor

    Women call me ugly only until they find how much I make.

    Then they call me ugly and poor!!

  • The Computer

    Do you know why people call me “The Computer”?

    I fall asleep if left unattended for 5 minutes.

  • Really Useful IRS Website

    If the IRS wanted to put something really useful on their website, how about a list of countries that don’t have an extradition treaty with the U.S.?

  • Alive With the Sound of Muzak

    Nothing sours my holiday mood like surly people at the mall, especially ones who are unimpressed by my jubilant proclamation that my groin is alive with the sound of Muzak.