Format: one-liner

One-liners, quick jokes, short-form comedy, and punchlines built for impatient degenerates from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

You wanna see Richter scale action? Try me, on a trampoline, braless

You wanna see Richter scale action? Try me, on a trampoline, braless.
All of my men know the Rule of Tits: I have the tits; therefore,

All of my men know the Rule of Tits: I have the tits; therefore, I rule.
I’m developing a “super fast-acting” laxative for all of us

I’m developing a “super fast-acting” laxative for all of us ultra-busy people. So far I only have the marketing campaign: “Colonow — ’cause you got shit to do!”
I’m sick of lying in bed and playing with myself all day long. I

I’m sick of lying in bed and playing with myself all day long. I suppose I need to find someone to do that for me.
If I were a woman, I’d want to be a lesbian so I could still be

If I were a woman, I’d want to be a lesbian so I could still be turned down by women I want to sleep with. Over the years I’ve gotten pretty good at handling that kind of rejection.
(Jilly G.) It finally dawned on me that I had a sex addiction

(Jilly G.) It finally dawned on me that I had a sex addiction when I found myself asking the pharmacist what I could use to treat penis calluses.
I think my boyfriend was upset about the anatomically correct

I think my boyfriend was upset about the anatomically correct snow replica I sculpted of him. Maybe it was that baby carrot.
I guess until I actually said it, it never seemed anything *but*

I guess until I actually said it, it never seemed anything *but* complimentary to tell her that she tasted “vulvalicious.”
Yelling through the bathroom stall partition, I asked my regular

Yelling through the bathroom stall partition, I asked my regular glory hole chick if she would be interested in taking things to the next level, but she just gave me lip service.
I tried forever to find it, but ultimately gave up and told the

I tried forever to find it, but ultimately gave up and told the clerk at Lowe’s “I need caulk.”