(Daina Schatz / @dsschatz) My wife promised me a hummer for my birthday, so I was very disappointed to find a $50,000 SUV in my driveway.
Format: one-liner
One-liners, quick jokes, short-form comedy, and punchlines built for impatient degenerates from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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What I did to that hooker last night was so epic, it’ll go down
What I did to that hooker last night was so epic, it’ll go down in the anals of history.
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You know how schoolkids love that cool magic trick where, with
You know how schoolkids love that cool magic trick where, with some sleight of hand, you make it look like you’re breaking off your finger, then — voila! — it’s back on again? Well, it turns out it’s not as popular when you try it with your penis.
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You know, taking pictures of my pubic area with my penis tucked
You know, taking pictures of my pubic area with my penis tucked between my legs was fun, but it was *NOTHING* compared to the joy of blackmailing my roommate after I caught him whacking off to them.
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With my luck, I’ll end up with the world’s first diagnosed case
With my luck, I’ll end up with the world’s first diagnosed case of “genital anthrax.” And when they find out I work at the post office, the boss is really going to question my mail-handling procedures.
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I cried because I had no penis, until I met a woman who had no
I cried because I had no penis, until I met a woman who had no vagina. And we lived happily ever after in her Malibu Dream House.
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When life gives you fellatio, thank it profusely! Of course, you
When life gives you fellatio, thank it profusely! Of course, you ought to wait until you cum first, just in case life changes its mind and decides to give you blue balls instead.
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Give a woman a fish and she’ll eat for a day. Tell her that she
Give a woman a fish and she’ll eat for a day. Tell her that she *smells* like fish and you’ll be wanking for months.
