Format: one-liner

One-liners, quick jokes, short-form comedy, and punchlines built for impatient degenerates from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

Last time I was in Vegas, what I *asked* for was directions to

Last time I was in Vegas, what I *asked* for was directions to the quarter slots. What I ended up with was a two-bit hooker.
Somebody once wrote, “Quality questions create a quality life,”

Somebody once wrote, “Quality questions create a quality life,” but my quality question to women I bump into at the mall, “Do you want to have sex with me?” usually results in a restraining order.
Careful of your spelling when you Google. There’s a fine line

Careful of your spelling when you Google. There’s a fine line between “Virginia” and “Vagina” in your search results. And most of the “Virginia” links are really boring.
They just closed another massage parlor in my neighborhood. I

They just closed another massage parlor in my neighborhood. I guess people just aren’t coming like they used to.
I was going to try to come up with a Rumination about my huge

I was going to try to come up with a Rumination about my huge throbbing cock, but it’s just too damn hard.
I should have known that the way I learned to “dissemenate”

I should have known that the way I learned to “dissemenate” information at the porn conference wouldn’t work at the PTA meeting.
I really hate people who give TMI. I hate them more than all the

I really hate people who give TMI. I hate them more than all the bloody underwear I’ve throw in the trash on account of my oozing hemorrhoids.
I was slipping into my date’s drink, but it turns out they were

I was slipping into my date’s drink, but it turns out they were laxatives.
I picked my fiance’s wedding party very carefully: someone old,

I picked my fiance’s wedding party very carefully: someone old, someone new, someone borrowed and someone I blew.
I love Photoshop. I can send pics of my hoo-hah to guys on the

I love Photoshop. I can send pics of my hoo-hah to guys on the ‘net and make it so they can’t even see my penis.