Format: one-liner

One-liners, quick jokes, short-form comedy, and punchlines built for impatient degenerates from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

To me it was never about “Romulans versus Klingons” as much as

To me it was never about “Romulans versus Klingons” as much as it was about “How far am I going to take this in order to bang a chick willing to wear Spock ears during sex?”
I never follow fashion trends. The way I see it is if the

I never follow fashion trends. The way I see it is if the fashion industry is too afraid to show off their new paisley butt-plug, who needs their opinions?
When Ben Franklin said, “Early to bed, early to rise,” I think

When Ben Franklin said, “Early to bed, early to rise,” I think it he was talking about the effect of sleep on morning wood.
Turns out I didn’t desperately need a nap after all; I just

Turns out I didn’t desperately need a nap after all; I just needed an orgasm. My apologies again to the other patrons of Costco’s bedding department.
I have Bieber Feber! Wait… I’m sorry, I hab a code. When I say

I have Bieber Feber! Wait… I’m sorry, I hab a code. When I say “Bieber,” I mean “bagina.”
Boyfriends are like used car salesmen: They lie, they scam, and

Boyfriends are like used car salesmen: They lie, they scam, and they fuck your brains out in the backseat.
I really enjoy writing my Ruminations while totally naked. But

I really enjoy writing my Ruminations while totally naked. But the manager at Burger King keeps telling me it’s a health code violation.
Last time I was in Vegas, what I *asked* for was directions to

Last time I was in Vegas, what I *asked* for was directions to the quarter slots. What I ended up with was a two-bit hooker.
Somebody once wrote, “Quality questions create a quality life,”

Somebody once wrote, “Quality questions create a quality life,” but my quality question to women I bump into at the mall, “Do you want to have sex with me?” usually results in a restraining order.
Careful of your spelling when you Google. There’s a fine line

Careful of your spelling when you Google. There’s a fine line between “Virginia” and “Vagina” in your search results. And most of the “Virginia” links are really boring.