My shopping list has only Splenda and toilet paper on it. I think that’s a metaphor for my mood: artificial sweetener and shit.
Format: one-liner
One-liners, quick jokes, short-form comedy, and punchlines built for impatient degenerates from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
-
Tonight’s forecast: Overnight highs in the mid 70s with mostly
Tonight’s forecast: Overnight highs in the mid 70s with mostly cloudy skies and a 60% chance of me cornholing your sister.
-
I cried because I had no shoes. Then I met a wanker who had no dick
I cried because I had no shoes. Then I met a wanker who had no dick.
-
You can have my penis when you pry it from my cold, dead hands.
You can have my penis when you pry it from my cold, dead hands. Gun. I meant gun.
-
Word to the wise: No matter how good the sex was, never
Word to the wise: No matter how good the sex was, never high-five your dick.
-
I’m glad the “Fifty Shades of Grey” author decided to call that
I’m glad the “Fifty Shades of Grey” author decided to call that secret boudoir the “Red Room,” because “Room Where I Get to Stick Stuff Up Your Ass” sounds much less mysterious.
-
Why do they call it underwear? I call mine manhole covers
Why do they call it underwear? I call mine manhole covers.
-
Farting in a baby’s face should be legal. It’s not sexual if
Farting in a baby’s face should be legal. It’s not sexual if you’re trying to teach them an important life lesson.
-
You can tell you’ve reached a severe life turning point when
You can tell you’ve reached a severe life turning point when your cock cravings no longer take you to singles bars, but to KFC.
