I took all the money I saved not buying Valentine’s Day presents over the years and bought masturbation toys. Now I own a solid gold fuck stick.
Format: one-liner
One-liners, quick jokes, short-form comedy, and punchlines built for impatient degenerates from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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I have plenty of financial help to give to my ex. None of it
I have plenty of financial help to give to my ex. None of it involves another fucking dime of my own money, though.
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In heaven, the guys’ dicks never pop out and the pussies never
In heaven, the guys’ dicks never pop out and the pussies never fart. It’s awesome.
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Whenever someone with Alzheimer’s tries to apologize to me, I
Whenever someone with Alzheimer’s tries to apologize to me, I tell them to just forget about it.
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If I was a guy, I can guarantee you that as soon as I was left
If I was a guy, I can guarantee you that as soon as I was left alone in a room, I’d rub my dick on everything while saying, “Mine.”
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In short, your parents fucked when the triangulation of stars
In short, your parents fucked when the triangulation of stars looked like a ram to some ancient guys and that’s why you’re the way you are.
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They call it Coca Cola Zero because if you drink that shit
They call it Coca Cola Zero because if you drink that shit that’s what you fucking are, punk. A FUCKING ZERO.
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Peanut allergies can cause rash, shortness of breath, toxic
Peanut allergies can cause rash, shortness of breath, toxic shock and me calling your kid a fucking pussy.
