Setup-punchline comedy formats, jokes, memes, and punchlines organized for easier doom-scrolling from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
A young couple on the brink of divorce visit a marriage counselor. The counselor asks the wife about the problem. She responds, “My husband suffers from premature ejaculation.”
The counselor turns to her husband and inquires, “Is that true?”
The husband replies, “Well, not exactly. She’s the one that suffers, not me.”
A prostitute enters a pub and notices a Panda bear sitting at the end of the bar. After a little small-talk and flirting, the panda bear goes home with her. They frolic all night long. The next morning, the Panda gets up and wanders towards the door. “HEY! Where are you going?” yells the prostitute. “I haven’t been paid!”
Realizing that he is a Panda bear and might not understand, she reaches for a dictionary and looks up prostitute.
She shows him the definition: PROSTITUTE (pros’ti toot) n. A woman who performs sexual services for money.
The Panda bear looks at her and then grabs the dictionary. He shows her a definition: PANDA BEAR (pan der bare) n. Eats shoots and leaves.
An old maid wanted to travel by bus to the pet cemetery with the remains of her cat. As she boarded the bus, she whispered to the driver, “I have a dead pussy.”
The driver pointed to the woman in the seat behind him and said, “Sit with my wife. You two have a lot in common.”
Two buddies were sharing drinks while discussing their wives.
“Does your wife ever … well, you know … does she … well, let you do it doggie style?” asked one of the two.
“Well, not exactly,” his friend replied, “She’s into the dog trick aspect of it.”
“Oh, I see. Kinky stuff, huh?”
“Well… not exactly. More like she rolls over and plays dead.”
DURING SEX YOU BURN AS MUCH CALORIES AS RUNNING FOR 5 MILES.
WHO THE FUCK RUNS 5 MILES IN 30 SECONDS?
Little Johnny’s kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures, tacked to a bulletin board, of the 10 most wanted men. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person.
“Yes,” said the policeman. “The detectives want him very badly.”
So Little Johnny asked, “Why didn’t you keep him when you took his picture?”
Little Johnny comes home from school with a note from his teacher, indicating that Johnny seems to be having some difficulty with the differences between boys and girls, and would his mother please sit down and have a talk with Johnny about this. So Johnny’s mother takes him quietly, by the hand, upstairs to her bedroom, and closes the door. “First, Johnny, I want you to take off my blouse,” she said softly.
So Johnny unbuttons her blouse and takes it off.
“O.K., now take off my skirt,” and he takes off her skirt.
“Now take off my bra,” which he does.
“And now, Johnny, take off my knickers.” Johnny takes her knickers off. “Johnny, for the last time… STOP WEARING MY CLOTHES TO SCHOOL!”
Interviewer: So where do you see yourself in five years?
Me: I’d say my biggest weakness is listening.
Little Johnny sees his Daddy’s car passing the playground and going into the woods. Curious, he follows the car and sees Daddy and Aunt Jane kissing.
Johnny finds this so exciting and can barely contain himself as he runs home and starts to tell his mother excitedly.
“MOMMY, MOMMY, I WAS AT THE PLAYGROUND AND DADDY…”
Mommy tells him to slow down, but that she wants to hear the story.
So Johnny tells her, “I was at the playground and I saw Daddy’s car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went to look and Daddy was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt, then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane laid down on the seat, then Daddy…”
At this point, Johnny’s mother cut him off and said, “Johnny, this is such an interesting story, so suppose you save the rest of it for supper time. I want to see the look on Daddy’s face when you tell the rest tonight.”
At the dinner table, Mommy asks Johnny to tell his story. He describes the car in the woods, the undressing, laying down on the seat, and said, “…then Daddy and Aunt Jane did that same thing Mommy and Uncle Jeff used to do when Daddy was in the Army!”
