My wife’s sister visited us yesterday in her brand new Porsche…
Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
Unleash ChaosFormat: setup-punchline
Setup-punchline comedy formats, jokes, memes, and punchlines organized for easier doom-scrolling from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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Perfect Eyesight on the Fairway
Arthur is 75 years old…
He’s played golf every day since his retirement 15 years ago.
One day, he arrives home looking downcast.
“That’s it,” he tells his wife. “I’m giving up golf. My eyesight has become so bad that once I hit the ball, I couldn’t see where it went.”
His wife sympathizes and makes him a cup of tea.
As they sit down, she says, “Why don’t you take my brother with you and give it one more try?”
“That’s no good,” sighs Arthur, “your brother is 85. He can’t help.”
“He may be 85,” says the wife, “but his eyesight is perfect.”
So the next day, Arthur heads off to the golf course with his brother-in-law. He tees up, takes a mighty swing and squints down the fairway. He turns to the brother-in-law and says, “Did you see the ball?”
“Of course I did!” the brother-in-law answers. “I have perfect eyesight.”
“Where did it go?” Arthur asks.
“I don’t remember.”
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Damn Autocorrect
A man received the following text from his neighbor:
“I am so sorry, Bob. I’m riddled with guilt and I have to confess. I have been using your wife for many weeks now. I’m not getting any at home, but that’s no excuse. I hope you will accept my sincerest apology and my promise that it won’t happen again.”
The heartbroken man, enraged, went into his bedroom, grabbed his wife, and threw her out the back door. Then he locked the door. A few moments later, a second text came in:
“Damn autocorrect. I meant WiFi, not wife.”
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The Most Potent Aphrodisiac
Mrs. Jones has been happily married to her husband for 50 years, but she is disappointed by how they are no longer intimate anymore in their autumn years. She decides to see her doctor.
“Mrs. Jones, how can I help you?” the doctor smiles. She explains her situation and the doctor nods.
“That is fine, Mrs. Jones, I can give you some pills for him to take.” Mrs. Jones shakes her head sadly. “Doctor, he refuses to take pills. It’s too embarrassing for him to think he has to take pills for sex.”
The doctor says, “Ok, take this vial of liquid and put it in his morning coffee.”
Mrs. Jones leaves and comes back the next day. “Nothing, doctor, not even a hint of passion,” she says, disappointed.
“Fine,” the doctor says. “Take this edible gel, and when you make him lunch, spread it on his sandwiches like butter. That’ll perk him up.”
Mrs. Jones leaves and comes back the next day, annoyed. “Again, nothing. He didn’t so much as get excited, even when I wore some lacy panties to bed that night.”
The doctor scratches his head. “Right then.” He goes to a drawer and comes back with a medication that comes in a salt shaker. “Put this on his dinner. It is our most potent aphrodisiac.”
Mrs. Jones leaves and comes back the next day, absolutely furious. The doctor says, “Mrs. Jones, you must be joking, surely something happened.”
Mrs. Jones angrily exclaims, “As soon as he had one bite, he got a mad glint in his eye. He took me and we had mad, wild, passionate sex. Right there on the table!”
The doctor is confused. “But surely that’s what you wanted.”
Mrs. Jones replies, “Of course, it was the best sex I have ever had in my life.”
The doctor says, “But why are you so upset?”
Mrs. Jones shouts, “I can never show my face in that restaurant again!!”
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Cleaning Up With Change
A hunter from the East goes hunting out West in Wyoming.
He hires a guide and the next day they get up bright and early and begin their adventure. At some point the hunter has to use a commode.
He says to his guide, “Man, I really have to use the restroom. Where is it?”
The guide cracks up laughing. “Are you serious? We’re in the middle of Wyoming and you’re asking where the restroom is?”
“Well it’s kinda an emergency,” the hunter says.
The guide says, “You just hang your ass over that log over there. We’re roughing it today, Sport!”
So the hunter does his business but realizes there is no toilet paper, so he asks his guide, “What do I use to clean up with?”
The guide says, “You got a dollar?”
The hunter says, “I do.”
The guide says, “Just use that!”
The hunter comes back with poop all over himself. He was a disgusting mess.
The guide says, “What the hell, man. What happened to you?”
The hunter says, “You try cleaning yourself up with three quarters, two dimes, and a nickel!”
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It’s Hard to Say
I told my wife I absolutely love Worcestershire sauce.
She asked what’s so special about it.
“It’s hard to say,” I answered.
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Vanished Without a Tres
I recently attended a magic show in Mexico…
The magician said, “Uno, dos,” and then vanished without a tres.
