The thing I like best about being a professional carpet layer is when some housewife naively asks me to make sure that the carpet matches the drapes.
Format: setup-punchline
Setup-punchline comedy formats, jokes, memes, and punchlines organized for easier doom-scrolling from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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I wish my blind date hadn’t told me he was a poultry farmer,
I wish my blind date hadn’t told me he was a poultry farmer, because now I feel compelled to keep checking out his cock.
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I’m having an affair with a married woman, but it’s okay because
I’m having an affair with a married woman, but it’s okay because she and her husband have an arrangement: I come over every Monday night and have sex with her so he can watch the game.
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If you’re ever nauseous, you should put your head between your
If you’re ever nauseous, you should put your head between your knees and take deep breaths. Unless it’s your own ball stench that’s making you nauseous in the first place — then you should try something else.
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When the realtor told me the house was haunted, I wasn’t too
When the realtor told me the house was haunted, I wasn’t too worried. Either any residual spirits would be gone within the week, or they’d be into watching a guy whack off to chubby-chick porn six times a day, in which case they’re my kind of ghosts.
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I lost a bundle wagering on porn the other day. Take my advice
I lost a bundle wagering on porn the other day. Take my advice and don’t bet against the spread.
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My cat likes to sit on our laps and lick herself clean. My son
My cat likes to sit on our laps and lick herself clean. My son says she’s telling us, “I feel comfortable with you and trust you.” I think
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I’ve been getting a lot of “but sex” lately. Women I date say,
I’ve been getting a lot of “but sex” lately. Women I date say, “I like you and all, but sex…”
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The train conductor kept telling me to get off, but trust me,
The train conductor kept telling me to get off, but trust me, with all that rocking the train was doing I had already done so.
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I thought I’d be successful with my specialty furniture
I thought I’d be successful with my specialty furniture business, but every time I call a prospective customer and ask if they want to see my stool samples, they just gasp and hang up.
