Format: short form

Short form comedy formats, jokes, memes, and punchlines organized for easier doom-scrolling from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • My Step Ladder

    I have a step ladder.

    I lost my real ladder at a young age.

  • My Big Electric Bill

    The other day, a homeless man asked me for a dollar.

    I told him that I only carry big bills. He asked me for one of those, so I gave him my electric bill.

  • Who Fucks the Stork

    Two-year-old little Johnnie was being bounced up and down on his grandad’s knee when he suddenly asked, “Gwandad, where do babies come fwom?”

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    Grandad was a bit shocked and thought a bit: he then said, “Why my boy, they come from the stork.”

    After about two minutes little Johnnie said, “Gwandad… who fucks the stork?”

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  • Too Weak Notice

    I’ve decided to quit my job as a personal trainer because the weights are too heavy.

    I just handed in my too weak notice.

  • I Knew Where He Lived

    I scared the mailman yesterday by going to the door completely naked…

    I’m not sure what freaked him out more… my naked body or the fact that I knew where he lived.

  • The Third Old Lady Couldnt Reach

    Three old ladies are sitting on a park bench.

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    All of a sudden a strange man in a trench-coat walks in front of them and blatantly flashes them.

    The first old lady had a stroke.

    The second old lady also had a stroke.

    But the third old lady couldn’t reach.

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  • Top 15 Warnings on Condom Packages (Part I)

    The Top 15 Warnings on Condom Packages (Part I)

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    15. Purchase of this product does not guarantee opportunity to actually use this product.

    14. Improper attachment may create choking hazard.

    13. DANGER: You *do* realize he’s never going to call you after this, don’t you?

    12. We call it “large,” but that’s just to make you feel better, stud.

    11. This product does not prevent beer-goggle regret.

    10. “Ribbed” is in no respect meant to imply any guarantee that your particular use of this object will actually result in “her pleasure.”

    9. Caution: Contents should not be mixed with alcohol and high school reunions.

    8. The United States Government has recommended a Constitutional Amendment banning use of this product by anyone who is single or under 18 years of age.

    7. The baby you prevent with this prophylactic will forever jab your sinning ass with pitchforks in Hell.

    6. Only to be used in a locked and upright position.

    5. Warning: May be used by pedophile circus clowns to make balloon French poodles.

    4. Using this condom for same-sex acts is inconsistent with U.S. government policy — and don’t think we’re not watching, Nancy-Boy!

    3. Caution: Removal process may involve painful yanking of pubic hair.

    2. Not to be taken internally unless filled with cocaine.

    1. Surgeon General Warning: Cigarette smoking after use of this product has been found to cause cancer in happy, sexually satisfied laboratory animals.

    [ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
    [ Copyright 2004 by Chris White ]

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  • Yeehaw or Heeyaw

    I need to know something: Is it “Yeehaw” or “Heeyaw”? I’m riding in my first rodeo and don’t want to sound like a total idiot.

  • Top 15 Rejected Slogans Promoting Abstinence

    The Top 15 Rejected Slogans Promoting Abstinence

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    15. Abstinence: Give Yourself a Hand!

    14. I say zip it — zip it good!

    13. Just because it’s the most pleasurable sensation you’ll ever feel in your lifetime doesn’t mean you should rush right out and experience it.

    12. Hey, do you want Ken Starr all over your ass?!

    11. Wham, Bam, Thank You Hand!

    10. Just Say Whoa

    9. Join the celibate Top 5 Contributors!

    8. The Pope does it — now *you* can, too!

    7. Abstinence: It’s not just for quarrels anymore!

    6. Leave It Near Beaver

    5. Don’t think of it as less sex — think of it as more time to watch “Babylon 5” reruns.

    4. You’ve come a long way, Baby — for nothing!

    3. Abstinence: No f**kin’ way!

    2. Spend a little time away from the orifice.

    1. “Hello, this is President Clinton with an important message for young people…”

    [ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
    [ Copyright 1999 by Chris White ]

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  • Spain and Portugal Fit Like a Glove

    Continental drift is no mere theory; it is fact. Forget about trying to fit Africa and South America together — just look at how Spain’s jagged western border fits Portugal’s jagged eastern border like a glove. Coincidence? Please.