Sometimes at the office, my co-worker tells me I drink too much coffee and makes fun of me by saying I’m “shaking like a crack whore.” Good thing she doesn’t know what I do in my off-hours.
Format: short form
Short form comedy formats, jokes, memes, and punchlines organized for easier doom-scrolling from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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Dinosaurs Died Before Fried Chicken
Sometimes when I eat fried chicken, I tear into it and pretend I’m some kind of prehistoric dinosaur making a kill. But then I realize that it’s pretty silly because dinosaurs all died long before fried chicken ever walked the earth.
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The Border Where They Combine
They say the atmosphere is 78 percent nitrogen and 22 percent oxygen. And when I become world-renowned for being the first person to discover the border where they combine, I’ll just sit back and laugh my ass off.
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Lifeguard Certification Test
I took my lifeguard certification test the other day, but failed miserably. It turns out you need to do more than just run up and down the beach in slow motion.
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Oral Sex Makes Your Day
Q: What’s the difference between oral sex and anal sex?
A: Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak.
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Hiding My Girlfriend’s Inhaler
I sometimes fool my neighbours into thinking I’m good in bed by hiding my girlfriend’s inhaler. They can hear her out of breath shouting “give it to me, just fucking give it to me, pleeeeease give it to me”.
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Not From the Diving Board
Little Johnny is approached by the lifeguard at the public swimming pool.
“You’re not allowed to pee in the pool,” said the lifeguard. “I’m going to have to report you.”
“But everyone pees in the pool,” said Little Johnny.
“Maybe,” said the lifeguard, “but not from the diving board!”
