Hey, People Magazine! Unless you’re worried about angry letters from necrophiliacs, you can just say “Sexiest Man.”
Joke Type: adult humor
Adult humor jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.
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A Trip To Australia
An elderly British couple rents a car in Australia. They return furious after seeing a man having sex with a kangaroo and a one-legged man masturbating.
The rental clerk says, “Please understand, it is very difficult for a one-legged man to be able to catch a ‘roo.”
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The Captain’s Intercom
A Boeing 777 encounters heavy turbulence. The captain tells the passengers the worst is behind them, but forgets to switch off the intercom.
He turns to his co-pilot and says, “Phew, that was exhausting. I could use a hot coffee and a blowjob right now.”
As the head stewardess rushes toward the cockpit, a passenger calls after her, “Don’t forget the coffee!”
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I Asked My Scottish Friend How Many Sexual Partners He’s Had
I asked my Scottish friend how many sexual partners he’s had.
He started counting but soon fell asleep.
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A Gorilla In The Tree
A man finds a gorilla in a tree and calls a gorilla removal service. The service guy arrives with a stick, a Chihuahua, a shotgun, and handcuffs.
He explains that he will poke the gorilla until it falls. The Chihuahua will bite the gorilla’s testicles, allowing the man to handcuff it.
The man asks what the shotgun is for.
The service guy replies, “If I fall out of the tree before the gorilla, shoot the Chihuahua.”
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A Hospital Tour
A public health official visits a hospital. On the tour, they see a man furiously masturbating while a nurse checks his vitals.
The doctor explains that the man has a rare disorder where his heart will explode if he stops masturbating.
In the next room, a nurse is enthusiastically sucking another patient’s dick.
The doctor says, “Same disorder, but his health insurance is significantly better.”
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Dad’s Big Stomach
A son walks in on his parents having sex. His mother explains that she gets on top of Daddy to flatten his big stomach.
The boy says, “You’re wasting your time.”
When she asks why, he says, “When you go to the supermarket, the woman next door comes over and blows him back up.”
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A First Experience
A young native boy goes to a whorehouse for his first experience but is turned away for being underage and then for having no money.
After earning money, he returns. The madam says he needs practice first, so he practices using holes in trees.
Later, the madam hears a girl crying out and finds the boy standing behind her, kicking her.
She asks what he is doing.
He replies, “Checking for squirrels.”
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Three Cowboys Around A Fire
Three cowboys sat around a campfire, exchanging tall tales about how tough they were. The first had strangled a snake, and the second had killed a bear.
The two cowboys looked to the third and asked if he thought he was tougher than them.
The third cowboy said nothing and just continued to sit there, stirring the fire with his dick.
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Haggling Over Price
A guy asks a woman, “Would you have sex with me for a million dollars?”
She replies, “Well, to be honest, at that price, the answer would have to be yes.”
“Well, would you do it for five dollars?”
“NO! What do you think I am?”
“We’ve already established what you are. Now we’re just haggling over price.”
