I said to my wife, “I want to marry another woman.” Just to see her reaction.
On the first day, I saw nothing. Then on the second day, I still saw nothing. On the third day, I started to see a little with my left eye.
Joke Type: anecdotal
Anecdotal jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.
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You Should Be Hung
I was sitting down having a beer watching my wife mow the lawn, and this old lady came over and shouted at me, “You should be hung!”
I shouted back, “I am… that’s why she mows the lawn!”
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The Birthday Surprise
Why did I get divorced? Well, last week was my birthday. My wife didn’t wish me a happy birthday. My parents forgot, and so did my kids. I went to work, and even my colleagues didn’t wish me a happy birthday.
Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.Unleash Chaos -
Pipe Down or You’ll Get Us Both Fired
A gorilla at the zoo dies of old age just before opening time. He was the star attraction — the one animal everybody came to see.
The zoo can’t afford a new gorilla right away, so the owner makes a quiet offer to one of the workers: “We’ve got an old gorilla costume in storage. If you put it on and act like the gorilla for a while, I’ll pay you an extra $100 a day.”
The worker agrees, puts on the suit, and goes into the enclosure. To his surprise, the visitors love him. He pounds his chest, swings around, and soon crowds are showing up just to see this “amazingly life-like” gorilla.
After a month, though, the excitement starts to die down. So he decides to put on a little stunt. He climbs to the top of the enclosure, swings over into the neighboring lion habitat… and hangs from the safety net above it!
A huge crowd gathers — gasping and pointing.
Then — his hands slip. He falls right into the lions’ den.
Panicking, he starts yelling, “HELP! Somebody help me! I’m not really a gorilla!”
Suddenly, a massive lion leaps onto him, pinning him to the ground.
The lion leans in close and whispers, “Pipe down, buddy… or you’ll get us both fired.”
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Little Johnny Sells Toothbrushes
The kids filed back into class Monday morning, all excited. Their weekend assignment was to sell something and then give a short talk about their sales strategy.
Little Sally went first. “I sold Girl Scout cookies,” she said proudly. “I made $30. My approach was to appeal to people’s kindness!”
“Excellent,” said the teacher.
Little Mary went next. “I sold magazines. I made $45. I told people that magazines help them keep up with the news.”
“Very good, Mary,” said the teacher.
Finally, it was Little Johnny’s turn. He walked to the front, dumped a shoebox full of cash on the teacher’s desk, and said, “$2,467.”
The teacher nearly fainted. “$2,467?! Johnny, what on earth were you selling?”
“Toothbrushes,” Johnny replied.
“Toothbrushes?! How could you sell that many?”
Johnny grinned. “Well, I went to the busiest corner in town and set up a table with a sign that said ‘Free Sample.’ I handed everyone a chip dipped in a little brown mixture. Every single person said the same thing: ‘Eww! That tastes like dog food!’”
“Then I said, ‘It sure does!… Would you like to buy a toothbrush?’”
