Joke Type: bait and switch

Bait and switch jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.

  • No Fuckin Chocolate

    A customer walks into an ice cream shop and asks for a pint of chocolate ice cream.

    The person behind the counter says, “I am sorry but we are out of chocolate ice cream, may I get you a different flavor?”

    The customer thinks for a moment and asks for a quart of chocolate ice cream.

    The person behind the counter says, “I am sorry but we are out of chocolate ice cream, we have no chocolate ice cream. Is there a different flavor that I can offer you?”

    The customer thinks for a moment and asks for a half gallon of chocolate ice cream.

    The worker’s jaw drops and they reflect on this for a moment, then ask the customer, “Can you spell the ‘van’ in vanilla?”

    “What?” exclaims the customer. “What does that have to do—” The worker interrupts, “This will make sense in a moment if you spell the ‘van’ in vanilla.”

    Skeptically the customer says, “Um, okay… V-A-N. But what does that have to do—” The worker interrupts, “This will make sense in a moment if you spell the ‘straw’ in strawberry.”

    “What?” exclaims the customer. “What does that have to do—” The worker interrupts, “This will make sense in a moment if you spell the ‘straw’ in strawberry.”

    Skeptically the customer says, “Um, okay… S-T-R-A-W. But what does that have to do—” The worker interrupts, “This will make sense in a moment if you spell the ‘fuck’ in chocolate.”

    The customer thinks for a moment and exclaims, “There is no ‘fuck’ in chocolate!”

    The worker replies, “Correct! That is what I have been trying to tell you — there is no fuckin’ chocolate.”

  • It Comes in Waves

    Therapist: What brings you in today?

    Me: I have a terrible fear of tsunamis.

    Therapist: How bad is it?

    Me: It comes in waves.

  • Ready To Settle Down

    Ready To Settle Down

    Her: I’m ready to settle down

    Also her:

    [photo of a giant sinkhole]

  • I’ve Come a Long Way

    It’s been 3 years since I started training for the ejaculation distance championships.

    Since then I’ve come a long way.

  • Only Sustained Light Injuries

    I accidentally ran into a lamp post. Thankfully, I only sustained light injuries.

  • Where Should I Put My Pants

    During my prostate exam I asked the doctor, “Where should I put my pants?”

    “Over there by mine.” was not the answer I expected.

  • More Than Red and Blue Combined

    My least favourite colour is purple.

    I dislike it more than red and blue combined.

  • The Gym Teacher’s Demonstration

    A principal is in a health class telling them it will be sex education week and gym teacher Mr. Wilson will be teaching.

    The principal exits the classroom, then comes in walking Mr. Wilson with a banana in hand.

    “Class, today I will be teaching you all how to properly put on a condom.”

    The kids look at him and the banana.

    Mr. Wilson tells them, “You’re probably wondering why I have a banana. Well, because it’s hard for me to get an erection on an empty stomach.”

  • Can You Tell the Time

    A drunk man comes home late. His wife sees him and angrily exclaims, “Are you drunk again?!”

    The man shakes his head and answers, “No, I am not drunk!”

    “Okay, then prove it. There’s a clock over there. Can you tell the time?”

    “Of course I can!” says the man.

    He turns toward the clock and screams, “Hey! I am not drunk!”

  • I Just Don’t See It

    My friend thinks that a woman in camouflage is really sexy.

    I just don’t see it.