Joke Type: bait and switch

Bait and switch jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.

  • Insufficient Funds

    Banks should do a better job of keeping their ATMs filled.

    This is the fifth one I’ve been to that says Insufficient Funds.

  • You’re Much Bigger Than That

    My wife told me, “Don’t get upset if someone calls you fat.”

    “You’re much bigger than that.”

  • The Sign Said Press

    The sign on the door said, “PRESS.”

    So I did.

    The door opened…

    And the room was full of journalists.

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  • Almost Every Night

    Two elderly men were bragging about their sex lives while playing pool at the senior center.

    One says to the other, “Can you still have sex with your wife?”

    The other responds, “I still have sex with my wife about once a week. How many nights do you have sex with your wife?”

    The first man says, “Oh, we do it almost every night of the week.”

    “Incredible,” the other man repeated. “Almost every night?”

    “Yep,” he responded. “Almost on Monday, almost on Tuesday…”

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  • Doctors Have Described His Condition as Stable

    BREAKING NEWS: A man was admitted to the hospital today with 25 plastic toy horses inserted in his rectum.

    Doctors have described his condition as stable.

  • Why Did You Make Her So Stupid

    One day, God asked Adam how things were going with Eve…

    Adam: Pretty good, I guess.

    God: You seem to be holding back. Do you have any questions?

    Adam: Well, why did you make her so much more beautiful than me?

    God: So you would enjoy looking at her.

    Adam: And why did you make her skin so much softer than mine?

    God: So you would enjoy touching her.

    Adam: And why did you make her smell so much better than me?

    God: So you would want to be around her all the time. You see, Adam, I made Eve just for you, to make you happy.

    Adam: Then why did you make her so stupid?

    God: Well, Adam, if I had made her any smarter, she never would have slept with a guy like you.

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  • A Bad Case of Onomatopoeia

    Doctor: “I’m afraid you have a bad case of onomatopoeia.”

    Patient: “What’s that?”

    Doctor: “I’m afraid it’s exactly what it sounds like.”

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  • Genealogist vs Gynecologist

    What’s the difference between a genealogist and a gynecologist?

    One looks up your family tree. The other looks up your family bush.

  • Winnie the Pooh and Jack the Ripper

    I couldn’t sleep last night because I realized Winnie the Pooh and Jack the Ripper have the same middle names.

  • Bad Brakes Have Never Stopped Me Before

    It’s probably not safe for me to be driving right now.

    But, hey, bad brakes have never stopped me before.