Joke Type: bait and switch

Bait and switch jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.

  • Asking for My Feed Back

    I bought some birdseed from Amazon, and the very next day they emailed asking for my feed back. Not cool.

  • Too Much History Between Us

    I was at the museum, and I suddenly saw my ex on the other side of the exhibition hall. I didn’t go and say hello though.

    There was too much history between us.

  • I Can’t Wait to Rub It In

    I have been diagnosed with a rare condition and my doctor prescribed me some anti-gloating cream medication.

    I can’t wait to rub it in.

  • Which Vowel Is the Most Important

    The other day, a friend and I had this long pointless argument as to which vowel is the most important.

    I won.

  • No Fuckin Chocolate

    A customer walks into an ice cream shop and asks for a pint of chocolate ice cream.

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    The person behind the counter says, “I am sorry but we are out of chocolate ice cream, may I get you a different flavor?”

    The customer thinks for a moment and asks for a quart of chocolate ice cream.

    The person behind the counter says, “I am sorry but we are out of chocolate ice cream, we have no chocolate ice cream. Is there a different flavor that I can offer you?”

    The customer thinks for a moment and asks for a half gallon of chocolate ice cream.

    The worker’s jaw drops and they reflect on this for a moment, then ask the customer, “Can you spell the ‘van’ in vanilla?”

    “What?” exclaims the customer. “What does that have to do—” The worker interrupts, “This will make sense in a moment if you spell the ‘van’ in vanilla.”

    Skeptically the customer says, “Um, okay… V-A-N. But what does that have to do—” The worker interrupts, “This will make sense in a moment if you spell the ‘straw’ in strawberry.”

    “What?” exclaims the customer. “What does that have to do—” The worker interrupts, “This will make sense in a moment if you spell the ‘straw’ in strawberry.”

    Skeptically the customer says, “Um, okay… S-T-R-A-W. But what does that have to do—” The worker interrupts, “This will make sense in a moment if you spell the ‘fuck’ in chocolate.”

    The customer thinks for a moment and exclaims, “There is no ‘fuck’ in chocolate!”

    The worker replies, “Correct! That is what I have been trying to tell you — there is no fuckin’ chocolate.”

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  • It Comes in Waves

    Therapist: What brings you in today?

    Me: I have a terrible fear of tsunamis.

    Therapist: How bad is it?

    Me: It comes in waves.

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  • Ready To Settle Down

    Ready To Settle Down

    Her: I’m ready to settle down

    Also her:

    [photo of a giant sinkhole]

  • I’ve Come a Long Way

    It’s been 3 years since I started training for the ejaculation distance championships.

    Since then I’ve come a long way.

  • Only Sustained Light Injuries

    I accidentally ran into a lamp post. Thankfully, I only sustained light injuries.

  • Where Should I Put My Pants

    During my prostate exam I asked the doctor, “Where should I put my pants?”

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    “Over there by mine.” was not the answer I expected.

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