Joke Type: bait and switch

Bait and switch jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.

  • Superman You’re a Real Jerk When You’ve Been Drinking

    A man walks into a bar on the top floor of a skyscraper and orders a cold beer.

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    As he’s sipping it, he suddenly watches the guy next to him stroll over to the window… and jump right out!

    “Good grief! Did you see that!? That man just jumped out the window!”

    The bartender doesn’t even blink.

    Shaken, the man takes another sip. A minute later, the same guy walks back in, sits down, orders another drink, finishes it, and jumps out the window again.

    The man shouts, “Are you kidding me!? He did it again!”

    Still, the bartender says nothing.

    The guy comes back into the bar and orders another drink.

    Finally, the man asks, “How on earth are you surviving those jumps?”

    The guy grins and says, “Oh, it’s this special drink. If you finish it fast enough, you can float.”

    Excited, the man orders the same “floatie” drink, chugs it, runs to the window, jumps out… and SPLAT — straight onto the sidewalk.

    The bartender sighs and says, “Superman… you’re a real jerk when you’ve been drinking.”

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  • Hand Over Your Wallet or I’ll Jump

    A man is standing at a urinal when he notices that he’s being watched by a midget.

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    The midget drags a small stepladder over and climbs up to admire the man’s private parts close up.

    “Wow,” comments the midget, “those are the nicest balls I have ever seen!”

    Freaked out, but flattered, the man thanks the midget and starts to move away.

    “I know this is a strange request,” says the little guy, “but would you mind if I touched them?”

    Again, the man is taken aback, but seeing no real harm in it, consents.

    The midget gets a tight grip on the man’s balls and says loudly, “Okay, hand over your wallet or I’ll jump.”

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  • Do You Still Need a Push

    A young man knocks on a couple’s door late one evening. It’s cold, wet, and well past midnight.

    The husband answers the door, clearly annoyed at being disturbed so late.

    The young man asks, “Could you give me a push?”

    The husband replies, “It’s 3 a.m., it’s freezing outside, and you look perfectly healthy. Push yourself.”

    Then he slams the door in the young man’s face.

    A few minutes later, the husband gets into bed.

    “Who was that?” his wife asks.

    “Oh, some young guy who said he needed a push. He’s young and strong. He can do it himself.”

    His wife frowns. “Remember when our car broke down a few months ago? We would’ve been grateful for any help we could get. Go do a good deed and help the poor fellow.”

    Feeling guilty, the husband gets out of bed, throws on his dressing gown, and heads outside.

    He looks up and down the street but can’t see a broken-down car or anyone in sight.

    Finally, he calls out, “Hello? Do you still need a push? I’m happy to help! Where are you?”

    From the playground across the street, a voice calls back, “I’m over here on the swing!”

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  • A Ham-Brrr-Grrr

    What do you call a pig that is cold and growling?

    A Ham-Brrr-Grrr.

  • But When I Do, There It Is

    I don’t always whoomp.

    But when I do, there it is.

  • I Would Like to Do It Again

    My wife hasn’t spoken to me in 3 days and I have no idea what I did.

    Which is fucked up, because I would like to do it again.

  • Painted It Black So It Would Run Faster

    I just bought a new laptop and painted it black so it would run faster…

    Instead, it just stopped working and stole all my data…

  • She Really Means Well

    My wife just yelled that I should “fall in a pit or hole sunk into the earth filled with water and die.”

    I know she really means well.

  • Consumed by His Own Pride

    Did you hear about the arrogant lion tamer?

    He was consumed by his own pride.

  • Everything Before That Was a Blur

    One of my earliest childhood memories was visiting the eye doctor and getting my glasses.

    Everything before that was a blur.