Joke Type: bait and switch

Bait and switch jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.

  • The Blonde and the Bet on the News

    Jack walked into a sports bar late one evening and sat down next to a blonde woman watching the news.

    The report was about a man standing on the edge of a tall building, about to jump.

    The woman asked, “Do you think he’s going to jump?”

    Jack replied, “I’m sure he will.”

    “I’m sure he won’t,” she said.

    Jack put down $30 and said, “You’re on.”

    Just as she placed her money down, the man jumped and fell to his death.

    The woman, upset, handed Jack her $30.

    “Fair’s fair… here’s your money.”

    Jack said, “I can’t take this. I saw the 5pm news earlier and I already knew he was going to jump.”

    The blonde woman replied, “I saw it too. I just didn’t think he’d do it again.”

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  • Not a Single Piece of Straight Wood

    Happy Pride Month to Home Depot!

    There isn’t a single piece of straight wood in that place.

  • Three Men Shopping for Christmas Presents

    Three men in the city shopping for wives’ Christmas presents.

    They agree on two presents each and to meet in the bar after a couple of hours so they can compare their haul. Later in the bar they get their gifts out…

    First man: “I got my wife a necklace and a scarf, so if she doesn’t like the necklace, she can wear the scarf over it.”

    Second man: “I got my wife a wrist watch and some long gloves, so if she doesn’t like the watch she can pull a glove over it.”

    Third man: “I got my wife some perfume and a dildo, so if she doesn’t like the perfume she can go fuck herself.”

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  • I Think It’s Nuts

    The instructor in my self-defense class said that the most effective place to kick a man is near his knees.

    Personally, I think it’s nuts.

  • Spilled the Beans

    I just got kicked out of a secret cooking society.

    They really didn’t like it when I spilled the beans.

  • Keep Dreaming Buddy

    Called my boss this morning, asked him if I could come in late today because I’m super tired. He said, “Keep dreaming buddy.”

    Which was super nice and unexpected of him.

  • Well I’m Here Now

    A member of the KGB is walking along a production line in a factory and decides to ask a few questions of one of the workers.

    KGB: “Comrade, if you had a drink of vodka, could you still perform your appointed tasks?”

    The worker thinks a bit and replies, “Yes, I think so.”

    KGB: “Comrade, if you had five drinks of vodka, could you still perform your appointed tasks?”

    The worker again considers this a bit and again replies, “Yes, I think so.”

    KGB: “Comrade, if you had ten drinks of vodka, could you still perform your appointed tasks?”

    The worker answers quickly, “Well, I’m here now…”

  • Absolute Game Changer

    I’ve recently switched from eating venison to eating pheasant.

    Absolute game changer.

  • The Nudist Colony and the Dropped Cigar

    There’s an old man who is considering joining a nudist colony, so he goes there to find out what it’s like. The person at the front desk tells him he is welcome to try it out before he joins. He takes his clothes off and goes for a walk. After a while he takes a seat on a bench, sees a very attractive woman go by, and gets an erection. She notices and stops and gives him one of the best blow jobs he’s ever had. He immediately goes back to the front desk and signs up.

    Later on he’s walking along smoking a cigar, and he drops it. He bends over to pick it up and a man comes up behind him and has his way with him. The old man goes back to the front desk and demands his money back. When asked why he says, “I get an erection maybe every three or four months, but I drop my cigar half a dozen times a day.”

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  • A Blonde and Her BMW

    A blonde pulls her BMW into the parking lot of a mechanic’s shop because it was making some racket.

    The mechanic pops open the hood and tinkers around a bit.

    Blonde: “Well, what’s wrong with it?”

    Mechanic: “Ah, just crap in the engine.”

    Blonde: “How often do I have to do that?”

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