Last week, I was injured pretty badly playing a game of peekaboo. They had to put me in the ICU.
Joke Type: bait and switch
Bait and switch jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.
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A friend named his dog 5 miles
A friend of mine named his dog “5 miles” so he could tell people he walked 5 miles.
But today he ran over 5 miles.
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Doctors Orders Mean Burger King
My doctor just told me that I need to start eating at Burger King.
Well, he really said that I should not have McDonalds anymore, but I know what he means.
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Global Warming Icebreaker
If you are meeting a new group of people and don’t know what to talk about, try mentioning Global Warming.
It’s a huge Icebreaker.
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Beating Around the Bush at the Brothel
A man goes to a brothel where they line up 10 naked women for him to choose from at the cost of $1000. Nine are very unattractive to the man, but off to the side he sees the most beautiful young woman who also has the hairiest vagina he has ever seen, but was holding up a $500 sign that said no oral or penetration.
“What’s the deal with her?” the man asked, still intrigued.
“With her you can only beat around the bush.”
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Two Medical Students Diagnose an Old Man Walking Stiff-Legged
Two medical students were walking along the street when they saw an old man walking with his legs spread apart.
He was stiff-legged and walking slowly.
One student said to his friend: “I’m sure that poor old man has Peltry Syndrome. Those people walk just like that.”
The other student says: “No, I don’t think so. The old man surely has Zovitzki Syndrome. He walks slowly and his legs are apart, just as we learned in class.”
Since they couldn’t agree they decided to ask the old man. They approached him and one of the students said to him, “We’re medical students and couldn’t help but notice the way you walk, but we couldn’t agree on the syndrome you might have. Could you tell us what it is?”
The old man said, “I’ll tell you, but first you tell me what you two fine medical students think.”
The first student said, “I think it’s Peltry Syndrome.”
The old man said, “You thought — but you are wrong.”
The other student said, “I think you have Zovitzki Syndrome.”
The old man said, “You thought — but you are wrong.”
So they asked him, “Well, old timer, what do you have?”
The old man said, “I thought it was gas — but I was wrong, too!”
