Bait and switch jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.
An annoyed lady approaches Little Johnny after watching him eat a bag of candy for some time.
“You know little boy, eating that much candy isn’t good for you!”
“Oh yeah, well my grandpa lived to be a hundred.”
“Oh really? But did he eat a lot of candy?”
“No, but he minded his own fucking business!”
An older neighbor runs into Little Johnny as he’s coming home from school
“How are you, Johnny?”
“Fine.”
“And how is school?”
“Fine.”
“And how are your parents doing?”
“Fine.”
“Tell me, do you have any other words in your vocabulary besides ‘Fine’?”
“Dad said I’m not allowed to say ‘Fuck Off’ yet.”
I asked a Scottish guy to name all the women he slept with.
He fell asleep.
All the comic books I bought from the store are missing the last page, so I have to draw my own conclusions.
A mime in my town was arrested yesterday after he broke his left arm in a bar fight.
He still…has the right to remain silent.
Why do you have to be careful when trees start dropping feathers instead of leaves?
It could be your down-fall.
When you think about it, it’s the worst possible place for her to sell seashells.
Last night, I taught my kids about democracy by having them vote on which movie to watch and pizza to order.
Then I picked the movie and pizza because I’m the one with the money.
I asked the cashier “Could you give me small change instead of bills? I need money for the bus.”
She said “That’s fare”
