Joke Type: bait and switch

Bait and switch jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.

  • Three Men Comparing How Dumb Their Blonde Wives Are

    Three men were comparing how dumb their blonde wives were.

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    The first man said, “My wife is so dumb, she can’t do math past the third-grade level!”

    The second man said, “Oh yeah? My wife is so dumb, she thinks Cheerios are earrings!”

    The third man said, “I’ve got you both beat! My wife is so dumb, she was packing to go on a girls trip last week, and she must have packed a hundred condoms. And she doesn’t even have a single penis!”

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  • Before the Crowbar Was Invented

    Before the crowbar was invented, I bet that crows used to just drink at home.

  • The Only Food That Can Make You Cry

    My cousin was going on and on about how an onion is the only food that can make you cry without eating it. So I hit him in the face with a coconut.

  • When my manager said I can be really irritating

    Turns out when my manager said that “You can be really irritating at work sometimes” that wasn’t them giving me permission…..

  • Patrick Fitzhenry and Henry Fitzpatrick — A Perfect Match

    Did you hear about the two gay Irish men? They are a perfect match.

    Patrick Fitzhenry and Henry Fitzpatrick.

  • Sexual Consultant

    A redneck tells his buddy, “Hey, I just got a promotion! I’m the boss’s sexual consultant.”

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    His buddy says, “Sexual consultant? How did you get that job?”

    And the redneck says, “I told the boss he should fire Jones in accounting. And the boss said, ‘When I want your fucking advice, I’ll ask for it.’”

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  • Like a Newborn Baby

    Two retired cops sit on a park bench watching the world go by.

    “You know, Tom,” one sighs, “my health is declining. My legs hurt when I stand, my back hurts when I sit, and my arms hurt when I reach for things. I feel like I’m falling apart! How are you feeling these days?”

    The second guy smiles broadly and says, “Honestly? I feel like a newborn baby!”

    “Really?!” the first guy gasps. “A newborn baby? How do you manage that?”

    “Well,” he grunts, “I have no hair, I have no teeth, and I just wet my pants!”

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  • Boomerang Return Policy

    Don’t be afraid to buy a boomerang online.

    They have 100% return policy.

  • Secret Gopher Colony Had a Mole

    Did you hear a secret colony of gophers was discovered recently?
    They say there was a mole among them.

  • Make Up Your Mind

    I recently had someone tell me to stop being an idiot and to be myself.

    I told them to make up their mind.