Joke Type: bait and switch

Bait and switch jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.

  • Suck His Dick Before Makeup

    Suck His Dick Before Makeup

  • Small World

    Two men were having an awfully slow round of golf because the two ladies in front of them managed to get into every sand trap, lake, and rough on the course. They didn’t bother to wave the men on through (which is proper golf etiquette).

    After two hours of waiting and waiting, one man said, “I think I’ll walk up there and ask those gals to let us play through.”

    He walked out the fairway, got halfway to the ladies, stopped, turned around, and came back, explaining, “I can’t do it. One of those women is my wife and the other is my mistress. Maybe you’d better go talk to them.”

    The second man walked toward the ladies, got halfway there and, just as his partner had done, stopped, turned around and walked back. He smiled sheepishly and said, “Small world.”

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  • The Difference Between Men and Women in One Paragraph

    The difference between men and women in one paragraph:

    A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road. As they pass each other the woman leans out the window and yells: “PIG!!”

    The man immediately leans out his window and replies “BITCH.”

    They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road.

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  • I Think My Nails Are Dry Now

    A man walks into a public men’s room. His arms are held awkwardly out to his sides, forearms hanging limply, fingers spread apart. He approaches another man and asks, “Excuse me, but could you please unzip my fly?”

    The second fellow is embarrassed, but feels sorry for the stranger, who appears to be crippled. He thinks how humiliating it must be to have to ask for help for something like this, so he complies, unzipping the first man’s pants.

    Next, the man asks him to hold his penis while he pees. The second guy is even more embarrassed, but does as he is asked.

    Finally, the first guy finishes, and the second man starts to put his penis back in his pants. “Oh, I can take care of that.” the first man says, blowing on his fingers. “I think my nails are dry now.”

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  • Take a Clean Dish

    Two confirmed bachelors sat talking. Their conversation drifted from politics to cooking. “I got a cookbook once,” said the first, “but I could never do anything with it.”

    “Too much fancy cooking in it, eh?” asked the second.

    “You said it. Every one of the recipes began the same way – ‘Take a clean dish and….’”

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  • Nice Pattern

    The blind date hadn’t been all that great and she was happy the night was finally over. At her apartment door, he suddenly said, “Hey! You wanna see my underwear?”

    Before she could respond, he had dropped his pants, right there in the hall, revealing that he wasn’t wearing any.

    She glanced down and said, “Nice pattern. But does it also come in men’s sizes?”

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  • One Little Weenie

    A man and his wife were gardening in the back yard when the husband looks up to see his wife bending over to pick some flowers. He looks at her rear and then looks at the Webber Bar-B-Q, noticing that they are the same size.

    He says to his wife, “Your butt is as big as our Bar-B-Q!”

    She ignores him and goes back to her gardening. The husband can’t stand it so he goes to the garage and gets a tape measure and measures the Bar-B-Q and his wife’s rear and they are exactly the same size.

    That night in bed the husband starts to cuddle with his wife, but the wife says, “Just what do you think you’re doing?”

    The husband says, “I thought I was gonna get a little tonight.”

    His wife replies, “If you think that I’m going to fire up this Webber Bar-B-Q for one little weenie, you are crazy!”

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  • Make Me a Woman

    A girl and a guy are in an elevator, and the girl takes off all her clothes and throws them on the ground and says, “Make me a woman.”

    The man takes off all his clothes and throws them on the ground and says pick them up.

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  • A Penny for Your Thoughts

    One night a wife found her husband standing over their newborn baby’s crib. Silently she watched him. As he stood looking down at the sleeping infant, she saw on his face a mixture of emotions: disbelief, doubt, delight, amazement, enchantment, skepticism. Touched by this unusual display and the deep emotions it aroused, with eyes glistening she slipped her arms around her husband.

    “A penny for your thoughts,” she whispered in his ear.

    “It’s amazing!” he replied. “I just can’t see how anybody can make a crib like that for only $46.50!”

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  • Hair on Your Muffin

    A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father. She stands next to the barber chair, eating a cupcake while her dad gets his haircut.

    The barber smiles at her and says, “Sweetheart, you’re gonna get hair on your muffin.”

    “I know,” she replies. “I’m gonna get tits too.”

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