Joke Type: bait and switch

Bait and switch jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.

  • She Wouldnt Be Able To Shes Left-Handed

    A young married couple are taking a nice stroll down a long and rather winding road. There was a long way till they got home and there was plenty of time to have a long drawn-out conversation, so the wife decided to ask her husband a question she had on her mind for a long time:

    Wife: “If I died, would you remarry?”

    Husband: “No, I love you too much to get married to a different woman.”

    Wife: “But you love being married, don’t you? So honestly. You’d get remarried wouldn’t you?”

    Husband: “Yeah, I guess I would get remarried eventually.”

    Wife: “Would you and your new wife live in our house?”

    Husband: “Yeah, where else would we live?”

    Wife: “Would you take down all the pictures of me and you together?”

    Husband: “Yeah, it would be very discourteous to her not to. I’d still keep the ones of me and you in my private drawer.”

    Wife: “Would you two sleep in our bedroom?”

    Husband: “Yeah, where else would we sleep?”

    Wife: “Would she use my golf clubs?”

    Husband: “No, she wouldn’t be able to, she’s left-handed!”

  • Does It Hurt as Much as Tennis Elbow

    A man got on the train with both front trouser pockets full of golf balls and sat down next to a beautiful blonde.

    The puzzled blonde kept staring at him and his bulging pockets. Finally, after several curious glances, he said, “It’s golf balls.”

    She kept looking, thinking hard, then finally asked, “Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?”

  • To Get More Chalk

    Mike told Sarah he had the strangest dream last night.

    She asked what happened.

    He said he died and was walking up this huge staircase to heaven.

    She replied, “Okay… that’s already intense.”

    He continued that at the bottom they handed him a piece of chalk.

    Sarah asked, “Chalk? For what?”

    Mike explained they said, “Mark a step for every sin you’ve committed.”

    She said, “Wow… that’s terrifying.”

    He replied, “Yeah… I only got a few steps up…”

    She asked, “And then?”

    Mike said, “Then I saw you… running down the stairs.”

    Sarah exclaimed, “WHAT?! Why was I going down?!”

    Mike answered, “…to get more chalk.”

  • Hold Her Im Going Back for Yours

    A husband sits in a cab and sees his wife entering Trump Tower with another man and tells the driver, “Do you want to earn a 1,000 bucks right away?”

    The driver says, “Ok, what do I need to do?”

    “My wife just went in there with another man, bring her to me by the hair, let me show you a picture of her.”

    After a while the driver is seen dragging a woman by the hair, while she’s kicking and screaming. He opens the door and puts her in the cab.

    The husband says to him, “This is not my wife.”

    The driver replied, “I know, this one’s mine, hold her, now I’m going back for yours.”

  • The Egg Timers Broken

    This morning my wife was in the kitchen preparing to boil eggs for breakfast.

    As I walked in, she turned to me and said, “You’ve got to make love to me this very moment!”

    My eyes lit up and I thought, “This is my lucky day!”

    Not wanting to lose a moment, I didn’t waste any time at all, I gave her a banging right on the kitchen table!

    Afterwards she said, “Thanks!” and returned to the stove.

    More than a little puzzled, I asked, “What was that all about?”

    She giggled, “The egg timer’s broken.”

  • The Pastor Under the Bed

    A young doctor moves to a small community to replace an older doctor who is retiring.

    The older doctor suggests that the young one accompany him on his house-call rounds so the community can get used to the new doctor.

    At the first house, a woman complains, “I’ve been a little sick to my stomach.”

    The older doctor says, “You’ve probably been overdoing the fresh fruit. Cut back on how much you’re eating and see if that helps.”

    As they leave, the younger doctor says, “You didn’t even examine her! How did you come to that diagnosis so quickly?”

    “Ah,” the older doctor replies. “You noticed I dropped my stethoscope? When I bent down to pick it up, I saw a half dozen banana peels in the trash. That’s probably what’s been making her sick.”

    “Pretty clever,” the younger doctor says. “If you don’t mind, I think I’ll try that at the next house.”

    At the next stop, they visit a younger woman who says she’s been feeling terribly run-down and just doesn’t have the energy she used to.

    The young doctor nods and says, “You’ve probably been doing too much for the church. You should cut back a bit and see if that helps.”

    As they leave, the older doctor says, “I know that woman well. Your diagnosis is probably right, she’s very active in the church. But how did you arrive at it?”

    “I did what you did,” the young doctor says. “I dropped my stethoscope, and when I bent down to pick it up, I noticed the pastor under the bed.”

  • Blows It Back Up Again

    One night, a little boy walked into his parents room after he’d woken from a nightmare.

    When he opened the door, he saw his mother bouncing up and down on his father’s lap.

    Confused, he quickly closed the door and went back to bed.

    The next morning at breakfast after his father had left for work, the little boy asked his mother why she was bouncing on his dad last night.

    A bit embarrassed and taken off guard, mum thought for a moment before answering, “Well, you know how daddy has a big belly? Sometimes I have to bounce on it to make it flatter.”

    The little boy nodded, taking a mouthful of cereal before replying, “Well, I wouldn’t bother if I were you.”

    “Why?” asked his mum, confused.

    The boy finished his mouthful and told her, “Because every weekend when you go to visit grandma, the lady next door comes over and blows it back up again…”

  • I’d Like a Burger and Fries Please

    A blonde walks into a library…

    …and then says to the librarian, “Hi, I’d like a burger and fries please.”

    **Librarian:** Ma’am, this is a library.

    **Blonde:** Oh, sorry. (Whispering) “I’d like a burger and fries please.”

  • Deepest Condolences

    Anna had lost her husband almost four years ago. Her daughter constantly called her, urging her to get back into the dating world. Finally, Anna said she’d go out but didn’t know anyone. Her daughter immediately replied, “Mom, I have someone for you to meet.”

    It was an immediate hit. They took to each other, and after dating for six weeks, he asked her to join him for a weekend in Spain. Their first night there, they undressed. She stood nude except for a pair of black lacy panties. He was in his birthday suit.

    Looking her over, he asked, “Why the black panties?”

    She replied, “My breasts you can fondle, my body is yours to explore, but down there I am still mourning.”

    He knew he wasn’t getting lucky that night.

    The following night was the same. She stood there wearing the black lacy panties, and he was in his birthday suit. But now he was wearing a black condom.

    She looked at him and asked, “What’s with the black condom?”

    He replied, “I want to offer my deepest condolences.”