Joke Type: dark humor

Dark humor jokes, grim punchlines, and comedy from the questionable end of the emotional buffet from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.

  • What’s the Difference Between a Hooker and Jesus?

    What’s the Difference Between a Hooker and Jesus?

    WHATS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A HOOKER AND JESUS?

    WHAT?

    THE LOOK ON THEIR FACE WHEN YOU’RE NAILING THEM.

    imgflip.com

  • Still Got That Trophy From When I Banged Your Mom

    Still Got That Trophy From When I Banged Your Mom

    STILL GOT THAT TROPHY FROM WHEN I BANGED YOUR MOM

  • My mom is gonna kill me!

    My mom is gonna kill me!

    FUCK, MY MOM IS GONNA KILL ME

  • How Sheep Get Away With Murder

    How Sheep Get Away With Murder

    How Sheep Get Away With Murder
  • Loads of People Don’t Like You

    Loads of People Don’t Like You

    Loads of People Don’t Like You
  • The Human Anus Can Stretch Up to 7 Inches – You Can Take Almost Two Full Raccoons Up Your Ass

    The Human Anus Can Stretch Up to 7 Inches – You Can Take Almost Two Full Raccoons Up Your Ass

    ☀MissMorningstar☀ @KeeperOfDankniz

    The human anus can stretch up to 7 inches before taking damage. A raccoon can squeeze into holes as tight as 4 inches, Meaning you can take almost two full raccoons up your ass. Believe in yourself.

    10:27 PM · 10 Oct 19 · Twitter for Android

  • The Top 17 Tweets From President Trump

    17. Winning! Winners win. And I’m a winner who wins, believe me. #ohfucknowwhatdoido

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    16. My huuuge hands typing this from the Oval Office! #HowYouLikeMeNowHillary

    15. Nobody told me the White House was such a dump. Not a single gold toilet. Sad. #3rdWorld

    14. Why do they call it the White House when the kitchen is full of Hispanics? #TrumpHouse

    13. @SCOTUS You’re Fired! #TreatGovernmentLikeBusiness

    12. #100days: abolish Obamacare, export all illegal immigrants, mount Paul Ryan’s balls in the Oval Office #sweetrevenge

    11. @PutinRF_Eng Lincoln bedroom stocked with #Stoli; waiting for your arrival #USARUS

    10. White House? Not on my watch. 2,600 gallons of gold gilt paint on the way! #Glitterpalooza #BlingHouse

    9. Note to self: thank Kellyanne Conway, notify her she won’t be paid.

    8. Just sold Washington Monument to China #suckers #shippingisextra

    7. Got the nuclear codes, so excited: 398236. #watchoutisis #makeamericaglowagain

    6. Melania looks stunning lying naked on the Oval Office’s new polar bear-skin rug, trust me. #MakingAmericaBoneAgain #Bigly

    5. WTF? Canada’s Prime Minister keeps calling, saying USA needs to pay for his wall.

    4. WH needs new housekeepers. @AliciaMachado, job is yours if you can drop 20 lbs!

    3. Just sent my homey @Comey a thank you gift: orange jumpsuit for @Hillary. #orangeisthenewpantsuit

    2. That Lincoln bedroom is SO uncomfortable. No wonder he shot himself. #HoleInTheHead #LumpyMattress

    1. First official act: Lady Liberty loses the burka, shows some leg, gets bigger tits #StatueOfLame #6atBest

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  • How to Get Rich in 4 Easy Steps – People in Wheelchairs:

    How to Get Rich in 4 Easy Steps – People in Wheelchairs:

    Ad:”How to get rich in 4 easy steps”

    People in wheelchairs:

  • What Do People Call the Day I Was Crucified? Good Friday. What the FUCK.

    What Do People Call the Day I Was Crucified? Good Friday. What the FUCK.

    What do people call the day I was crucified?

    Good Friday.

    Yeah, we call it Good Friday!

    What the FUCK.

  • Wife Gave Birth – How Soon Can We Have Sex? I’m Off Duty in Ten Minutes

    Wife Gave Birth – How Soon Can We Have Sex? I’m Off Duty in Ten Minutes

    My wife just gave birth today and after thanking the doctor, I pulled him aside and sheepishly asked, “How soon do you think we’ll be able to have sex?”

    He winked at me and said, “I’m off duty in ten minutes, meet me in the car park.”