When I saw the guy in the next car pick his nose and wipe it on the passenger seat headrest, I thought, “Man, he doesn’t care what the world thinks!” I kind of admire that. But I wouldn’t want to ride with him.
Joke Type: observational
Observational jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.
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CB Lingo 201
I would think the hardest part of truck-driving school is CB Lingo 201. You know, the second year, where everything you say in class has to be in CB.
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Top 14 Recent Headlines You May Have Missed
The Top 14 Recent Headlines You May Have Missed
14) Alec Baldwin is out for six weeks after spraining his brain doing a Trump impression.
13) Experts say some of the people can be fooled all of the time.
12) Army Corps declares tribal casino the best site for a pipeline crossing.
11) Newly sentient computer commits suicide after seeing the newspaper.
10) Reduced viewership leads the NFL to introduce Assless Chaps Thursday Night Football and Catch-a-Pass/Do-a-Shot Tuesday Night Football.
9) Vera Wang changes her first name to “Huge.”
8) New Starbucks “Baby Jesus Christmas Cup” infuriates pro-Santa groups.
7) Kanye West is being treated in a psychiatric hospital for behaving like Kanye West.
6) Dolly Parton’s sales sag, but not as much as her other assets.
5) The War on Christmas is now longer than WWII, yet the U.S. is no closer to victory.
4) Well-dressed homeless guy shouting on a corner is actually Mel Gibson.
3) Canada closes its borders to stave off an influx of Hollywood refugees.
2) Pregame anthem protests intensify during National Accordion Week.
And the #1 recent headline you may have missed…
1) Keith Richards continues to defy 2016: “C’mon, ya pussy, do yer worst!”
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Is it still considered a beef?
If two vegans are having an argument…
Is it still considered a beef?
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It definitely wouldn’t be this one
I saw a guy carrying a screaming toddler across the parking lot.
He noticed me looking at him and said, “He’s mine. I’m not stealing him or anything.”
Before I could reply, he added, “If I was gonna take one, it definitely wouldn’t be this asshole.”
