Joke Type: observational

Observational jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.

  • Stimulus Check Midget Hookers

    Stimulus Check Midget Hookers

    Me when I realize I should have used my stimulus check on bills instead of midget hookers with pink wigs

    Someday I’ll learn.

  • I Never Truly Understood

    I Never Truly Understood

    I never truly understood

    until I encountered

    __________.

    Licking things to claim them as your own.

    The clitoris.

  • Selling My Nudes

    Selling My Nudes

    Times are tough so once again I will be selling my nudes.

    $5 to get one

    $25 not to get one

  • The Eggnog Alibi

    I miss the holidays. It’s the only time of year when you can get away with telling people that the stain on your dress is really eggnog.

  • Gender Pay Gap Flipped

    Gender Pay Gap Flipped

    This quarantine is affecting everyone in the work force, but it especially sucks for men

    We’re losing $1 for every $.79 women are losing

  • The Mystery of Missing Female Keebler Elves

    It’s occurred to me in the last few days, after listening to and seeing all of the Keebler commercials, just why there’s never any female elves pictured. Then it came to me: They’re all fudge-packers.

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  • Unspeakable Horror Sign

    Unspeakable Horror Sign

    What unspeakable horror made this sign necessary?

    YES / NO

  • One Lemon

    If life gives you a lemon, just throw it away, because I tried making lemonade, and let me tell you: One lemon doesn’t give you a lot of great tasting lemonade, buddy.

  • Per Alt Delete

    Per Alt Delete

    9AM: I’m going to work hard and get ahead today.

    9:05AM:

  • Depressed And Miserable

    Depressed And Miserable

    Last year I was miserable and depressed but this year I turned that shit around so I’m depressed and miserable now