The worst part about going to night school to get my college education was ending up with an 8:00 class and having to drag my sleepy ass out of bed by 7:00 PM.
Joke Type: observational
Observational jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.
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If I Were God
If I were god, I’d wait till the seventh day and try to do it all that evening, but then I’d probably get sidetracked when I invented Comedy Central and I’d have to ask for an extension on the eighth day. And if I didn’t get it, who cares? I’m god!
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Call the Exterminator
Sometimes I look outside my window and think, “Those people look like ants from here.” But then I realize I live on the first floor, and I really need to call the exterminator.
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Missile Sites Happy to See Him
As the F-14 screamed through the desert air, the pilot eyed the rising launcher ramps and wondered yet again if the missile sites were a genuine threat or merely happy to see him.
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Neckwear for an Octopus
When choosing neckwear for an octopus, a bow tie is the way to go. A long tie is just likely to get tangled in the tentacles. Plus, most octopi believe that a bow tie makes them look like eccentric intellectuals rather than slimy cephalopods.
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He’s Not Even A Member Of This Club.
Three women are in a gym locker room dressing up to play racquetball, suddenly, a guy runs through the room wearing nothing but a bag over his head.
He passes the first woman, who looks down at his privates. ‘He’s not my husband,’ she says.
He passes by the second woman, who also looks down as he’s passing. ‘He’s not my husband either.’
She says, also not recognizing the unit. He passes by the third woman, who also looks down as he runs by her. ‘Wait a minute,’ she says. ‘He’s not even a member of this club.’
