My wife thinks that TV is a big waste of time, but I just learned something that’s sure to change her mind: When buying a magic hat for the kid’s snowman, spring for the deluxe version that keeps the snowman from melting when the temperature goes above freezing.
Joke Type: observational
Observational jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.
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Mr. Insurance Duck
I’m confused by those ads where a duck is trying to sell people disability insurance by quacking, “AFLAC!” at them. If instead he just yelled, “Duck!” I bet most debilitating injuries could be avoided altogether. I’m on to your scam, Mr. Insurance Duck!
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Football in the Background
I was a cameraman in Dallas for three years before I realized that they have a football game in the background of all those cheerleader performances.
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Two-Hit Obscurity
The only music groups more obscure than the one-hit wonders were those unfortunate enough to have only two hits, thereby keeping them out of any category worth remembering.
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Dogs Chase Cars
What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
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Multiple Autobiographies
The cool thing about having multiple personality disorder is that you get to write a shitload of autobiographies!
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Secretary of Defense
If the top doctor and top lawyer are called the Surgeon General and the Attorney General, how come the person who heads up the military is called the Secretary of Defense? I suppose it’s because he can type really fast.
