Joke Type: observational
Observational jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.
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Sex Calories 5 Miles
DURING SEX YOU BURN AS MUCH CALORIES AS RUNNING FOR 5 MILES.
WHO THE FUCK RUNS 5 MILES IN 30 SECONDS?
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Wisdom Teeth Dicks
siouxchiefsouschef @legitwidget
overheard one kid at the Mall of America tell his friends he had to get his wisdom teeth out and his friend says “why? gotta make room for more dicks?” and wow insults have really come a long way since I was a kid
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Priests Dont Look
miguel ruiz @maneruiz
You know you’re getting older when you walk past a couple of priests and they don’t even look at you…
6:17 PM – 18 May 13
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Not From the Diving Board
Little Johnny is approached by the lifeguard at the public swimming pool.
“You’re not allowed to pee in the pool,” said the lifeguard. “I’m going to have to report you.”
“But everyone pees in the pool,” said Little Johnny.
“Maybe,” said the lifeguard, “but not from the diving board!”
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Witches Woods
MehGyver @TheAndrewNadeau
The older I get the more I side with the witches from fairy tales who moved out to the woods and killed someone who bothered them.
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You Aint Said Nothing About Meing and Meing
The minister, all fired up because of recent obvious problems of infidelity, shouted out, “I want everyone who has been heing and sheing to stand up!” Half of his congregation stood up.
He then shouted out, “I want everyone who has been heing and heing to stand up!” A couple of men stood up.
He then shouted out, “I want everyone who has been sheing and sheing to stand up!” Several women stood up. The minister looked over his congregation and noticed that everyone was standing except Little Johnny.
The minister shouted out, “Brothers and Sisters, look at Little Johnny, can he be the only one without sin? Little Johnny, stand up… I guess you are the only one here who isn’t preoccupied with sex and committing sins. What do you have to say!”
Little Johnny replied, “Reverend, you ain’t said nothing about meing and meing!”
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Suspect Dancing Naked
Me: Suspect is dancing naked through downtown
Dispatch: Copy that
Me: I’ll try but I’m not much of a dancer
