Sometimes, when I’m in the shower, I let water go down my arms and run off my fingers in 10 little streams. I imagine that I’m a new superhero, with the fearsome power of urinating fingers. It may not sound very powerful, but if peeing fingers don’t get the bad guys’ attention, I don’t think they’ll be very impressed with heat vision or magic lassos.
Joke Type: observational
Observational jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.
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When I was back in college it was thrilling to see a woman’s bra hanging from my doorknob.
When I was back in college it was thrilling to see a woman’s bra hanging from my doorknob. But now that I’ve been married for more than 20 years, it’s kind of lost its luster. Now it just means the damn door isn’t going to close properly.
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Sure, mimes are funny — but if some guy were ever *really* trapped inside a glass box
Sure, mimes are funny — but if some guy were ever *really* trapped inside a glass box on a crowded city street, and he had white and black make-up on his face, and he was wearing suspenders and a really stupid-looking cap, would it be so funny?
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Men always think that women’s locker rooms are filled with hot, naked women oiling each
Men always think that women’s locker rooms are filled with hot, naked women oiling each other up, having sex in the hot tub and getting into pillow fights. That’s a ridiculous notion! Why would there be pillows in a locker room?
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I’ve got nothing against gay guys — I just don’t want my sister marrying one.
I’ve got nothing against gay guys — I just don’t want my sister marrying one.
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You know something’s fundamentally out-of-whack with the economy when you have to use
You know something’s fundamentally out-of-whack with the economy when you have to use your Economic Stimulus rebate check to pay your bankruptcy lawyer.
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I told him that it wasn’t working out because we’re just apples and oranges.
I told him that it wasn’t working out because we’re just apples and oranges. Of course, I’m the sweet, sun-ripened, kissed-by-God-Himself orange and he’s the rotten, fly-infested apple that’s stuck to the bottom of my wastebasket because he was “too busy” to put a new bag in it.
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If we would just lose the war on drugs, I’m certain we could win the war on terror.
If we would just lose the war on drugs, I’m certain we could win the war on terror.
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People label me as a narcissist because I go to the gym and tanning salon every day, but
People label me as a narcissist because I go to the gym and tanning salon every day, but mark my words: They’ll be jealous when we’re all stranded on an isolated mountaintop and leathery-and-tough-meated Brad is viewed as the last one anyone would pick for eating.
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I was just hired at the CDC as their new STD Name Consultant, which means whenever a new
I was just hired at the CDC as their new STD Name Consultant, which means whenever a new STD is discovered, I get to name it. And now it’s payback time to all of you girls who wouldn’t date me in high school.
