Joke Type: one-liner

One-liner jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.

  • Dismayed

    Someone ripped the 5th month out of my calendar.

    I’m dismayed.

  • Dirty Riddles and Cheeky One-Liners

    How many perverts does it take to put in a light bulb?
    Just one, but it takes the entire emergency room to get it out!

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    What did the Indian say when the white man tied his penis in a knot?
    “How come?”

    What’s the definition of a teenager?
    God’s punishment for enjoying sex.

    Did you hear the slogan for the Stealth Condom?
    They’ll never see you coming.

    What do you call kinky sex with chocolate?
    S&M;&M.;

    What does Kodak film have in common with a condom?
    They both capture that special moment.

    Define Transvestite:
    A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary!

    Why is being in the military like a blowjob?
    The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.

    What do you call twelve naked men sitting on each others shoulders?
    A scrotum pole!

    What’s the ultimate in rejection?
    When you’re masturbating and your hand falls asleep.

    Why don’t debutantes go to orgies?
    There’d be too many thank you notes to write.

    What is every Amish woman’s private fantasy?
    Two Mennonite!

    Why is sex like a game of bridge?
    If you have a good hand, you don’t need a partner.

    Can you say three two letter words that denote small?
    Is it in?

    What has a whole bunch of little balls and screws old ladies?
    A bingo machine.

    What’s the difference between a tire and 365 used rubbers?
    One is a Goodyear and the other is a great year.

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  • Pig Latin Poet

    One of the perks of being a Pig Latin poet is that it’s pretty easy to come up with rhymes.

  • The Eggnog Alibi

    I miss the holidays. It’s the only time of year when you can get away with telling people that the stain on your dress is really eggnog.

  • Epiphany

    I had an epiphany today: I finally realized what the word epiphany means.

  • Stationery Bike

    To get into better shape, I treated myself to a new piece of exercise equipment. It looks real pretty with my name and address on it, but the paper cuts are killing me. I guess I should have done more research before getting a stationery bike.

  • Glass Houses

    Remember: People who live in glass houses can see you masturbating in their bushes.

  • Selling Me a Bridge

    My dentist must think I’m incredibly gullible; he keeps trying to sell me a bridge.

  • Quick Finish Line: Newlywed Expectations Crash

    The morning after their honeymoon night, the wife says to her husband, “You know, you’re really a lousy lover!”

    The husband replies, “How would you know after only 30 seconds?”

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  • My Dog Is Really Smart

    My dog is really smart.

    I asked him, “What’s two minus two?”

    He said nothing.