Joke Type: one-liner

One-liner jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.

  • Mattresses Prefer Overweight People

    Why do mattresses prefer overweight people?

    They leave a big impression.

  • Al Gore’s Internet Refund

    If Al Gore really invented the Internet, then why does he continue to ignore my repeated requests for a refund of my BIGBEAVERZ.COM membership fee?

  • Makeup Sex

    My girlfriend surprised me the other day by suggesting we should have makeup sex, then for some reason she screamed and slammed the door on me when I showed up in my Gene Simmons KISS costume. Needless to say, we’re fighting again.

  • Seatbelt Didn’t Deploy

    Today I was injured when I wrecked my car. I’m not sure what went wrong — I was wearing my airbag, but the seatbelt didn’t deploy.

  • Best Invention Since Sliced Bread

    A good, sharp knife has got to be the best invention since sliced bread.

  • Call the Exterminator

    Sometimes I look outside my window and think, “Those people look like ants from here.” But then I realize I live on the first floor, and I really need to call the exterminator.

  • Giant Robotic Parrot

    If I had a nickel for every time someone told me that my idea for melting down coins to make a giant robotic parrot was a bad idea, I would have one kickass giant robotic parrot.

  • You Can’t Milk a Cow for 2,000 Years

    Draft only — do not auto-publish.

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    Content note: religion-targeted insult humor. Review before publishing.

    What’s the difference between a cow and a crucifixion?

    You can’t milk a cow for 2,000 years.

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