I was walking my dog when a lady asked if the shit pile on her lawn was mine and I got super offended because I haven’t shat on a lawn in weeks.
Joke Type: one-liner
One-liner jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.
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Grandpa nods his head, peering into the kitchen with a confident
Grandpa nods his head, peering into the kitchen with a confident smile: “See your grandma over there, kid? Yeah, I fucked her.”
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I’m no conspiracy theorist, but I’m pretty sure the people who
I’m no conspiracy theorist, but I’m pretty sure the people who named it Dick’s knew what the word dick means.
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I took all the money I saved not buying Valentine’s Day presents
I took all the money I saved not buying Valentine’s Day presents over the years and bought masturbation toys. Now I own a solid gold fuck stick.
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I have plenty of financial help to give to my ex. None of it
I have plenty of financial help to give to my ex. None of it involves another fucking dime of my own money, though.
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Whenever someone with Alzheimer’s tries to apologize to me, I
Whenever someone with Alzheimer’s tries to apologize to me, I tell them to just forget about it.
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My application to join the Astronaut Wives Club was rejected.
My application to join the Astronaut Wives Club was rejected. It’s all fucking politics.
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During my sermon last Sunday, there was lots of screaming,
During my sermon last Sunday, there was lots of screaming, shitting and masturbating. Last time I preach to monkeys at the zoo.
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Wait, the 70s are over? Shit, I’m REALLY late for high school.
Wait, the 70s are over? Shit, I’m REALLY late for high school. Like 36 years late. I’m gonna need a note.
