Joke Type: one-liner

One-liner jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.

  • Moo-spaper

    How do cows stay up to date?

    They read the moo-spaper.

  • Strongest Days

    Which days are the strongest?

    Saturday and Sunday. The rest are weekdays.

  • Disgruntled Employee

    For the Halloween party at work this year, I went as a disgruntled employee.

    The costume was simple: all I had to do was wear my regular clothes and improve my attitude.

  • They Were Wright

    About a hundred years ago a couple brothers said they could fly.

    They were Wright.

  • Leopard vs. Cougar

    What’s the difference between a leopard and a cougar?

    A leopard can drag something twice its weight up a tree.

    A cougar can drag someone half her age into bed.

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  • Violins

    Did you know that the string section of an orchestra is the most dangerous?

    It’s because of all the violins.

  • Short Staffed

    I went to a restaurant run by midgets and the service was terrible.

    In their defense, they’re short staffed.

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  • Dentist Impressions

    I was at the dentist this afternoon for some impressions.

    He does a good Johnny Carson but his Frank Sinatra is terrible.

  • Loggins Attempts

    I just got kicked out of a karaoke bar for singing “Danger Zone” five times.

    Apparently, I exceeded the maximum number of Loggins attempts.