I told a joke on a Zoom meeting and no one laughed.
It turns out I’m not remotely funny.
Joke Type: pun
Pun jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.
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A Royal Flush Beats a Pair
Dolly Parton and King Charles happened to arrive at the Pearly Gates on the very same day.
They were greeted by an angel who explained that, due to a paperwork mix-up, there was only one opening available in Heaven that afternoon.
“I’m afraid I’ll have to decide which one of you gets in,” the angel said.
The angel turned to Dolly and asked if there was any special reason she should be admitted.
Dolly smiled, took off her top and said, “Look at these, they’re two of God’s most perfect creations and I’m sure it will please Him to be able to see them every day, for eternity.”
The angel thanked her politely and then asked King Charles the same question.
Without saying a word, the King walked over to a nearby restroom, pressed the handle, and flushed the toilet.
The angel immediately turned and said, “Your Majesty, welcome to Heaven.”
Dolly stared in disbelief and said, “Hold on just a minute. I showed you two of God’s own perfect creations and you turned me down, and he just flushed a toilet. How does that make sense?”
The angel shrugged and replied, “Sorry, Dolly, but even in Heaven, a royal flush beats a pair every time.”
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I Could See Myself Working There
They’re building a mirror factory in my town.
I could see myself working there.
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Taking Steps to Avoid Them
I’m scared of elevators…
So I’m taking steps to avoid them.
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The Results Are Staggering
Scientists have finished a study on how alcohol can affect a person’s ability to walk.
The results are staggering.
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The Moyel and the Leather Worker
The Moyel and the Leather Worker
In the Jewish religion, the ritual specialist who conducts circumcision (“bris”) is called a “moyel”.
So this one moyel works for decades, and saves all his clippings. When he retires, he takes them to a leather worker, and asks if he can make something out of them.
A couple of weeks later, the leather worker calls the moyel in and lays a wallet on the counter.
“What? Sixty years in the trenches and all I get is a wallet?” cries the moyel.
“Rub it. It turns into a suitcase.”
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Ive Got Windows
A blonde girl enters a store that sells curtains. She tells the salesman:
“I would like to buy a pink curtain in the size of my computer screen”.
The surprised salesman replies: “But madam, computers do not have curtains…”.
And the blonde said: “Helloooo…. I’ve got Windows!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
