Joke Type: pun

Pun jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.

  • How Many Perverts Does It Take to Put in a Light Bulb and Other One-Liners

    How many perverts does it take to put in a light bulb?
    Just one, but it takes the entire emergency room to get it out!

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    What did the Indian say when the white man tied his penis in a knot?
    “How come?”

    What’s the definition of a teenager?
    God’s punishment for enjoying sex.

    Did you hear the slogan for the Stealth Condom?
    They’ll never see you coming.

    What do you call kinky sex with chocolate?
    S&M&M.

    What does Kodak film have in common with a condom?
    They both capture that special moment.

    Define Transvestite:
    A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary!

    Why is being in the military like a blowjob?
    The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.

    What do you call twelve naked men sitting on each others shoulders?
    A scrotum pole!

    What’s the ultimate in rejection?
    When you’re masturbating and your hand falls asleep.

    Why don’t debutantes go to orgies?
    There’d be too many thank you notes to write.

    What is every Amish woman’s private fantasy?
    Two Mennonite!

    Why is sex like a game of bridge?
    If you have a good hand, you don’t need a partner.

    Can you say three two letter words that denote small?
    Is it in?

    What has a whole bunch of little balls and screws old ladies?
    A bingo machine.

    What’s the difference between a tire and 365 used rubbers?
    One is a Goodyear and the other is a great year.

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  • Eats Shoots and Leaves

    A prostitute enters a pub and notices a Panda bear sitting at the end of the bar. After a little small-talk and flirting, the panda bear goes home with her. They frolic all night long. The next morning, the Panda gets up and wanders towards the door. “HEY! Where are you going?” yells the prostitute. “I haven’t been paid!”

    Realizing that he is a Panda bear and might not understand, she reaches for a dictionary and looks up prostitute.

    She shows him the definition: PROSTITUTE (pros’ti toot) n. A woman who performs sexual services for money.

    The Panda bear looks at her and then grabs the dictionary. He shows her a definition: PANDA BEAR (pan der bare) n. Eats shoots and leaves.

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  • Oral Sex Makes Your Day

    Q: What’s the difference between oral sex and anal sex?

    A: Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak.

  • Above Knee

    Above Knee

  • Sodium Joke NaBrO

    Sodium Joke NaBrO

    Want to hear a joke about Sodium?

    Na.

    Want to hear a joke about Sodium Hypobromite?

    NaBrO.

  • You Aint Said Nothing About Meing and Meing

    The minister, all fired up because of recent obvious problems of infidelity, shouted out, “I want everyone who has been heing and sheing to stand up!” Half of his congregation stood up.

    He then shouted out, “I want everyone who has been heing and heing to stand up!” A couple of men stood up.

    He then shouted out, “I want everyone who has been sheing and sheing to stand up!” Several women stood up. The minister looked over his congregation and noticed that everyone was standing except Little Johnny.

    The minister shouted out, “Brothers and Sisters, look at Little Johnny, can he be the only one without sin? Little Johnny, stand up… I guess you are the only one here who isn’t preoccupied with sex and committing sins. What do you have to say!”

    Little Johnny replied, “Reverend, you ain’t said nothing about meing and meing!”

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  • My Step Ladder

    I have a step ladder.

    I lost my real ladder at a young age.

  • Deaf Club

    Deaf Club

    THE FIRST RULE OF DEAF CLUB…

    NYOU NU NOT NALK AMOUT NEF GLUB,

  • Riveting

    Riveting

    So, what do you do for work?

    I drill holes in sheets of metal.

    Then I use metal pins to connect said sheets of metal.

    Riveting…

  • Waist Of Time

    Waist Of Time

    I ONCE TIED ALL MY WATCHES TOGETHER TO MAKE A BELT

    THEN REALIZED IT WAS A WAIST OF TIME

    made on imgur