Joke Type: pun

Pun jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.

  • They’d crack each other up

    “Dad, why don’t eggs tell jokes?”

    Because they’d crack each other up.

  • It will still be stationary

    It doesn’t matter how much you push the envelope. It will still be stationary.

  • The Top 20 Brexitisms

    20. Czechout

    19. Byehamas

    18. AufWiederSpain

    17. Bolts-wanna

    16. ToStayOrTogo

    15. Cote de AuRevoir

    14. Canadivorce

    13. Fleeji

    12. Scootland

    11. Outdia

    10. Bounce-nia and Herewegoseeya

    9. Dubaibye

    8. Afghaniscram

    7. China-na-na, Hey Hey, Goodbye!

    6. Solongman Islands

    5. Australiaderci!

    4. Farewales

    3. Ethelopeia

    2. ColorMeGhana

    And the number one Brexitism…

    1. Greece Out

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  • Humans Eat More Bananas Than Monkeys

    I told my daughter, “Did you know that humans eat more bananas than monkeys?”

    She rolled her eyes at me, but I persevered.

    “It’s true!” I said.

    “When was the last time you ate a monkey?!”

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  • That’s 15-love

    My wife said, “I can think of 14 reasons to leave you, plus your obsession with tennis.”

    I replied, “That’s 15-love.”

  • Butterflies in my stomach

    I’d never make it on one of those “Survivor” shows. Every time I think about eating something like caterpillars, I start to get butterflies in my stomach.

  • You don’t get any bigger than that

    If I could be any concept, I would be infinity, ’cause man, you don’t get any bigger than that!

  • Inspect Her Gadget

    I’m starting a vibrator repair service.
    I’m calling it “Inspect Her Gadget.”

  • Top 16 Reindeer Mob Nicknames

    16. Rudolph “Bloody Nose” Valentino

    15. Dancer “On Your Grave” Zamboni

    14. Rudolph “Red Light District” Gambini

    13. Dancer “Crazy Legs” Baryshnikov

    12. Dancer “With the Fishes” Rigatoni

    11. Prancer “The Florist” DiFlamingo

    10. Prancer “Twinkle Toes” Balleria

    9. Comet “The Cleaner” Colombo

    8. Cupid “Kiss of Death” Donnitelli

    7. Blitzen “The Mad Bavarian” Schultz

    6. Donner “Teflon Donner” Gotti

    5. Rudolph “Rudy” Giuliani

    4. Donner “Party” Cannibali

    3. Dancer “Tiny” Eltonjohni

    2. Vixen “The Big Antler” De Luca

    And the number one Reindeer Mob nickname…

    1. Donner “Chimney Plugger” Terrazzo

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  • The Lone Ranger’s Three Wishes

    The Lone Ranger is riding across the range when he gets captured by a group of Native Americans.

    The tribal leader shows the Lone Ranger his deepest respect, as the Ranger is considered an honorable man. He offers the Ranger three wishes before he is to be put to death by fire.

    The Ranger calls for his faithful horse, Silver, and whispers in the horse’s ear. The horse rides off into the distance and a short time later returns with a beautiful blonde riding in his saddle.

    The tribal leader is impressed and offers his personal tent to the Ranger. After some time in the tent, the Ranger emerges and asks for his horse again. He whispers in the horse’s ear, and Silver darts off into the distance. This time, Silver returns with a beautiful brunette on his saddle.

    The tribal leader is impressed yet again and gestures toward his tent. Once the Ranger emerges from the tent, he asks to see his horse one last time.

    The Ranger slaps Silver as hard as he can and says, “Read my lips, you stupid horse! I said POSSE!”

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