Steve Jobs would have made a better president than Donald Trump…
But that’s comparing apples to oranges.
Pun jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.
Steve Jobs would have made a better president than Donald Trump…
But that’s comparing apples to oranges.
An American lawyer and his Czech brother-in-law are on a hunting vacation in Canada.
As they exit their tent, they run into a male and female bear in the middle of an intimate moment. Enraged at the interruption, the male bear roars, rears up, and, with a sudden pounce, swallows the lawyer’s brother-in-law whole!
The American runs for help, calling out for their Canadian ranger guide, who shows up with his hunting rifle. The American points at the male bear and says, “Quick! Shoot him, but be careful—my brother-in-law’s inside his belly!”
The ranger levels his hunting rifle, takes aim, and shoots the female bear dead! Startled by the shot, the male bear runs off.
The American falls to his knees, looks at the Canadian, and asks, “Why did you shoot the wrong bear?”
The ranger scoffs and says, “Did you really expect me to believe a lawyer who tells me the Czech is in the male?”
Did you hear about the dog who was floating in the ocean?
He was a good buoy…
Did you hear the Vatican is releasing an online payment system to absolve you of your sins?
They’re calling it PaPal.
I just dumped some Adderall in my Ford Fiesta’s gas tank…
Now it’s a Ford Focus.
Why did the woman bring a remote control to the lake?
She was watching a live stream.
Why didn’t the personal trainer get kicked out of his apartment?
He had squatter’s rights.
What do you call a shoe made from a banana?
A slipper.
I swallowed a bunch of synonyms today.
I’ve got the thesaurus throat I’ve ever had.