Pun Jokes, Memes & Dark Humor

Lesbians and Mandates: A Rejection of Control

Why don’t lesbians like being told what to do?
They don’t like mandates.

A guy says to his shrink, “Before I got involved with drugs I had a loving family, a nice house and a decent car.”

The shrink says, “And now?”

The guy says, “Now I also have a private jet and a yacht.”

An elderly couple stands before a judge.

“Did you steal the can of peaches, ma’am?”

“Yes, I did, your honor,” she replies.

“How many peaches were in the can?”

“Four, your honor.”

“Then I sentence you to four days in jail. Anything else?”

“Yes, your honor,” says her husband. “She stole a can of peas too.”

“Father, I committed all seven deadly sins in thirty minutes.”

Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.

“Wow,” the priest says. “I’ve got to hear this.”

“I was angry and envious of my neighbor, so I lazily seduced his wife, ate all his groceries, and didn’t share.”

“You forgot pride,” the priest says.

“No,” I say. “I’m pretty proud of this.”