Sexual innuendo jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.
A little girl is in line to see Santa. When it’s her turn, she climbs up on Santa’s lap. Santa asks, “What would you like Santa to bring you for Christmas?”
The little girl replies, “I want a Barbie and G.I. Joe.”
Santa looks at the little girl for a moment and says, “I thought Barbie comes with Ken.”
“No,” says the little girl. “She comes with G.I. Joe, she fakes it with Ken.”
When it was finally her turn to take care of the elderly Father Sands, the novice Jenny was taken aside by the Mother Superior.
“I must warn you,” the older woman said, “that although Father Sands is old in body, he is young at heart. It is important that when you give him his bath, you never look below his waist. Otherwise, he will become very excited.”
With that, Jenny went to look after the aged priest. Later, sobbing, Jenny sought out the Mother Superior.
“Forgive me,” the novice said, “but when I was bathing Father Sands, I — I looked down. As you said, he became aroused.”
“And what happened?”
“I — I lay with him. He said that I would surely go to heaven if I let him put his key to the gates of St. Peter in my lock.”
“Why, that old bastard!” the Mother Superior fumed. “For years he’s been telling me it’s Gabriel’s trumpet!”
If your girlfriend starts smoking….
…slow down, and use a lubricant.
