Joke Type: shock value

Shock value jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.

  • Death by Unga Bunga

    Three explorers crash-land their plane on an uncharted tropical island. The isolationist islanders promptly capture the three survivors and put them on trial for trespassing. Surprisingly, the grand chief of the island speaks broken English.

    “You break harmony on our land,” he says. “There are two punishments for this offense: death, or unga bunga. Choose.” The chief points at the first explorer.

    The first guy chooses unga bunga, because what could be worse than death? Then three islanders step out and drop their loincloths to reveal porn-sized penises. The three islanders then fuck the explorer six ways from Sunday. Once the islanders are spent, the explorer is released.

    The chief then points to the second explorer. “Choose,” he says.

    The second explorer weighs his options. After an excruciating exchange in his own head, he meekly replies, “Unga bunga.”

    Three more islanders drop their loincloths, their penises even bigger than the ones before. They have their way with the second explorer and then release him.

    The chief points at the third explorer. “Choose,” he says.

    “Death,” the explorer replies.

    The chief scratches his chin and reflects. “No one ever choose death before… Death by unga bunga!”

  • Nine Volt Battery

    What’s the difference between a nine-volt battery and a butthole?

    Everyone knows not to stick their tongue on a nine-volt battery.

  • The Pumpkin Patch

    Recently, a female sheriff’s deputy arrested Patrick Lawrence, a 22-year-old white male, who was fornicating with a pumpkin in the middle of a field at night.

    The next day, at the Gwinnett County (Georgia) courthouse, Lawrence was charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, public indecency, and public intoxication.

    The suspect explained he was passing a pumpkin patch on his way home from a drinking session when he decided to stop. “You know how a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one around for miles, or at least I thought there was no one around,” he stated.

    Lawrence went on to say that he pulled over to the side of the road, picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purpose, cut a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his pressing need. “Guess I was really into it, y’know?” he commented with evident embarrassment.

    In the process of doing the deed, Lawrence failed to notice an approaching sheriff’s car and was unaware of his audience until Deputy Brenda Taylor approached him. “It was an unusual situation, that’s for sure,” said Deputy Taylor. “I walked up to Lawrence and he’s just humping away at this pumpkin.”

    Deputy Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached Lawrence. “I said, ‘Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you’re having sex with a pumpkin?’”

    He froze and was clearly very surprised that I was there, and then he looked me straight in the face and said, “A pumpkin? Shit… is it midnight already?”

  • Mesothelioma You or a Loved One

    Mesothelioma You or a Loved One

    evilmilk.com

    Mesothelioma

    You or a loved one

  • Brown and Rhymes with Snoop

    A man got fired from his job for having sex during work hours. When his boss asked why he did it, the man replied, “I don’t know man, she was just lying there naked. I kinda got the hint so we fucked.”

    He was never hired at another morgue again.

  • Tired of Being Used

    Tired of Being Used

    I just wanted to show her my memes. Next thing you know my weiner is in her mouth. I’m tired of being used.

  • Mom Ordered Door Dash Again

    Mom Ordered Door Dash Again

    Oh look, your mom ordered Door Dash again. 😈🤣

    SEMEN

    WTA GAGS.COM

    WGS HI BLOW

  • No Damn Vegetables

    No Damn Vegetables

    Please seat for disabled person

    I don’t want any damn vegetables.

  • Could You Vape Semen

    Could You Vape Semen

    r/morbidquestions u/thatcatinthecorner 14h

    Could you vape semen?

    If it was watered down to the approximate thickness of fluid, could you vape semen?

    192 60 Share

    BEST COMMENTS

    DrDank7 12h

    Great now you’re making vaping even more gay

    445

    1simis 9h

    It’s a double negative though so it cancels out

    115

    What_R_YOU_Doin_Here 6h

    I don’t think that’s how this works. If you are giving a bj and taking it in the ass at the same time, does that make you straight?

    18

    WillBeamon 6h

    Obviously

    33

  • The Dentist

    A dentist tells his patient, “This might hurt a little bit. Are you ready?”

    The patient says, “Yes, doc. I’m ready.”

    And the dentist says, “I’m sleeping with your wife.”