My wife just gave birth today and after thanking the doctor, I pulled him aside and sheepishly asked, “How soon do you think we’ll be able to have sex?”
He winked at me and said, “I’m off duty in ten minutes, meet me in the car park.”
Shock value jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.

My wife just gave birth today and after thanking the doctor, I pulled him aside and sheepishly asked, “How soon do you think we’ll be able to have sex?”
He winked at me and said, “I’m off duty in ten minutes, meet me in the car park.”

i masturbate loud as hell and if you don’t like that then go to a different olive garden

If God can kill his only son I doubt he’ll care if you yeetus that fetus.

Jackson
Condoms are for fucking pussies
No, no, he’s got a point.

It’s called chloroform… you’ll love it. It’s like aromatherapy but without all the struggling.

YOU CAN PREVENT THIS
BIRD FROM GETTING AIDS
Donate
Africanbirdsanctuary.org

Great financial news for me this morning. No longer have to send a month to that African kid

siouxchiefsouschef @legitwidget
overheard one kid at the Mall of America tell his friends he had to get his wisdom teeth out and his friend says “why? gotta make room for more dicks?” and wow insults have really come a long way since I was a kid