Joke Type: wordplay

Wordplay jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.

Disabled Porn

I’D LIKE THE PORN IN MY ROOM TO BE DISABLED

WE ONLY HAVE REGULAR PORN YOU SICK BASTARD
Only Chick Raw Dog

The only chick you can fuck raw dog without having to worry about paying child support
Maximum Concentration

For maximum concentration
500 Votes Per Boob Electoral College

Well, another election in my household has passed and the results are in: The Sex-Every-Sunday Referendum was defeated soundly, 1000-1. I knew agreeing to the 500-vote-per-boob Electoral College would come back to haunt me.
Quickies: Crude Jokes for Adults Only

Quickies
Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
Unleash Chaos

Q: What do you do with 365 used rubbers?
A: Melt them down, make a tire, and call it a Goodyear.

Q: What’s the difference between sin and shame?
A: It is a sin to put it in, but it’s a shame to pull it out.

Q: What’s the speed limit of sex?
A: 68; at 69 you have to turn around.

Q: What’s the ultimate rejection?
A: When you’re masturbating and your hand falls asleep.

Q: Why did Raggedy Ann get thrown out of the toy box?
A: Because she kept sitting on Pinocchio’s face, and moaning, “Lie to me!”

Q: Why is air a lot like sex?
A: Because it’s no big deal unless you’re not getting any.

Q: If there is H2O on the inside of a fire hydrant, what is on the outside?
A: K9P.

Q: What did the egg say to the boiling water?
A: “How can you expect me to get hard so fast? I just got laid a minute ago.”

Q: What did the potato chip say to the battery?
A: If you’re Eveready, I’m Frito Lay.

Q: What’s another name for pickled bread?
A: Dill-dough

Q: Why did Frosty the Snowman pull down his pants?
A: He heard the snowblower coming.

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Clitty Bruiser Deluxe

DIFSEL

CLITTY-BRUISER DELUXE 5000-D 10 H.P. MODEL

“It’s nothing numb nuts… go back to sleep”
The Clapper and the Mime

Does the Clapper still turn the lights on if a mime is doing the clapping?
Dirty Medical Humor: Adult Jokes Collection

Q: What is the definition of wicker box?
A: It’s what Elmer Fudd wants to do to Madonna.
Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
Unleash Chaos

Q: What has a whole bunch of little balls and screws old ladies?
A: A bingo machine.

Q: What do you call a Florida gynecologist?
A: A spreader of old wives’ tails…

Q: Why do women prefer old gynecologists?
A: They have shaky hands!

Q: What do you call a female midget who’s nice and gives head?
A: Short, sweet, and to the point!

Q: What do you get when you cross a vibrator with an anteater?
A: An armadildo.

Q: What is the biggest problem for an atheist?
A: No one to talk to during orgasm.

Q: What do Lifesavers do that a man can’t?
A: Come in eight flavors.

Q: What was the first obscenity ever heard on T.V.?
A: “Ward, weren’t you a little hard on the Beaver last night?”

Q: Do you know why it’s called sex?
A: Because it’s easier to spell than Uhhhhh..oooohh…Ahhhhhh….AIIEEEEEEE!!!

Q: What do you call a smiling Roman with pubic hair between his teeth?
A: Gladiator! (Glad he ate her)

Q: If you are having sex with two women and one more woman walks in, what do you have?
A: Divorce proceedings, most likely.

Q: If you go to bed 9 hours before you have to wake up, and your wife wants to have 2 hours of sex, how much sleep will you get?
A: 8 hours, 59 minutes – who cares what she wants!

Q: What do you do in case of fallout?
A: Put it back in and take shorter strokes!

Q: Why do women have two holes so close together?
A: In case you miss.

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Not a Big Fan

I hate it when people call me a windmill.

I’m not a big fan.
Dismayed

Someone ripped the 5th month out of my calendar.

I’m dismayed.