I’m sorry Ms. Jackson (ooo)
I am four eels
Never meant to make your daughter cry
BABY WAIT
I am several fish and not a guy
Joke Type: wordplay
Wordplay jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.
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Odyssey Named After
odysseus: we now set out on our odyssey.
sailor: [raising hand] what’s an odyssey?
odysseus: a long journey named after the only survivor.
sailor: oh ok wait what.
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Behold The Field Barren
BEHOLD THE FIELD IN WHICH I GROW MY FUCKS LOOK THOU VPON IT AND THOU SHALT SEE THAT IT IS BARREN.
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Too Weak Notice
I’ve decided to quit my job as a personal trainer because the weights are too heavy.
I just handed in my too weak notice.
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Top 15 Warnings on Condom Packages (Part II)
The Top 15 Warnings on Condom Packages (Part II)
15. Strawberry flavoring provides no actual nutrients.
14. Caution: Your partner may become unwilling to purchase the cow when milk is plentiful and free of charge.
13. Help! I’m trapped in a condom factory in Hong Kong.
12. Do not use if already semen-filled.
11. Will not prevent the endless ridicule from best friends who saw you leaving the bar with the mustached woman shortly before closing time.
10. Caution: Sheep have been known to bite.
9. Training wheels not included, Quick-Draw McGraw.
8. Expires: 4/1/07. Hell, you might as well just throw this away now, Sparky.
7. After closing time at the bar, some settling may occur.
6. Use of this product outside the holy sacrament of marriage may cause eternal suffering in hell. Just saying.
5. Warning: Object in condom may be substantially smaller than wearer claims.
4. “Reservoir” tip is a naming convention only and not meant to describe actual holding capacity.
3. Does not protect against cucumber aphids.
2. Personally Inspected by John Ashcroft.
1. Caution: Always keep in a moist, dark place.
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2004 by Chris White ] -
Top 16 Chapters in Sex for Dummies
The Top 16 Chapters in “Sex for Dummies”
16. Evolution 101: Why Dummies Might Actually Make Poor Sex Partners
15. Troubleshooting for Do-It-Yourselfers (NOTE: Memorize this chapter *before* you go blind.)
14. Oh, God! Yes!! Oh, God! OH, GOD!!!: The Missionary Position
13. Starting Out: Am I a Tab A or a Slot B?
12. Engineering Secrets of the Bra: Removal in 14 Simple Steps
11. The Face: How to Tell Your Lover Apart from All Those Other People
10. Chapter 4: No, You Don’t *Actually* Blow
9. Stop Masturbating, She’s Real!
8. You’re Britney, I’m Strom: Introduction to Role Playing
7. Foreplay: Not Just for Her Birthday, Chester
6. Putting a Condom on a Banana is Just for *Practice*, Dumbass
5. Crouching Doggie and Hidden Missionary: A Guide to Sexual Positions
4. “Alternate” Lifestyles: Pokeman?
3. Hey! Watch Those Teeth, Vampira!!
2. Sexual Physics: The Round Peg/Round Hole Theory
1. Chapter 1: Mayor McWeiner and the Clamburglar
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2001 by Chris White ] -
Top 16 Euphemisms for Masturbation
The Top 16 Euphemisms for Masturbation
16. Lap-based web browsing
15. Gettin’ some air nookie
14. Wrangling the invertebrate serpent
13. Tango Con Mano
12. Jostling your Elder
11. Ruminating & Pondering
10. Shaking your fist at the ex-girlfriend
9. Releasing the hostages
8. Tickling your Elmo
7. Fixing the Hubble
6. Putting the seminal luge team through their paces
5. Carnal Tunnel Syndrome
4. Beda-testing the hardware
3. Downloading from your own website
2. Evicting the testicular squatters
1. Manually Increasing the Surface Temperature of the Ship’s Primary Cannon by Repeated Linear Manipulation
[ This list copyright 1999 by Chris White ]
[ The Top 5 List http://www.topfive.com ]
