Joke Type: wordplay

Wordplay jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.

  • A Ford Oar two-door

    Ford should make a coupe and call it the Oar.
    It’d be a Ford Oar two-door.

  • Those are just contractions

    A woman in labor suddenly shouted, “Shouldn’t! Wouldn’t! Couldn’t! Didn’t! Can’t!”
    “Don’t worry,” said the doctor. “Those are just contractions.”

  • Say No to Marijuana

    Say No to Marijuana

    Say No to Marijuana

  • He gave me a blank stair

    When I told my contractor that I didn’t want any carpeted steps, he just gave me a blank stair.

  • Toast the bride and groom

    Two slices of bread got married.
    The wedding was amazing, until someone decided to toast the bride and groom.

  • Kicking ass in the America’s Cup

    A life-size Noah’s Ark is open to the public. I’m not sure if I believe the story about the ark kicking ass in the America’s Cup yacht races.

  • The Top 15 Songs of the Summer

    15. Sunburning Down the House

    14. Humidity for the Devil

    13. Sweat, Caroline

    12. In the Air Conditioning Tonight

    11. Juice Box Hero

    10. Happiness Is a Warm Sun

    9. Burn! Burn! Burn!

    8. The Fool on the Grill

    7. Gimme Swelter

    6. Bake It Off

    5. This Is What You Shaved For

    4. Tan by Your Man

    3. Smells Like Hawaiian Tropic SPF 30

    2. Rolling in the Deet

    And the number one song of the summer…

    1. Can’t Stop the Peeling

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  • I turned a few heads

    I walked down the street dressed as a screwdriver.
    I turned a few heads.

  • Don’t let Kevin Bacon die

    Ever since Johnny Cash died, we’ve had no cash. Ever since Steve Jobs died, we’ve had no jobs. Please God, don’t let Kevin Bacon die.

  • Authorities just found Himalayan there

    Did you hear about the guy who collapsed trying to climb Mount Everest?
    Authorities just found Himalayan there.