Joke Type: wordplay

Wordplay jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.

  • That’s 15-love

    My wife said, “I can think of 14 reasons to leave you, plus your obsession with tennis.”

    I replied, “That’s 15-love.”

  • Going to the Dentist

    Just when I thought I’d get a break from my day job as a prostitute by going to the dentist, I realized I was actually paying *him* to shove his throbbing tool in my mouth.

  • I didn’t even know he was a health nut

    I don’t really understand the popularity of this Pilate’s workout, but then, I’m not a very religious person. Hell, I didn’t even know he was a health nut.

  • Butterflies in my stomach

    I’d never make it on one of those “Survivor” shows. Every time I think about eating something like caterpillars, I start to get butterflies in my stomach.

  • A complete prick

    When I first met Richard Peter Johnson, he seemed like a decent guy, but he turned out to be a complete prick.

  • You don’t get any bigger than that

    If I could be any concept, I would be infinity, ’cause man, you don’t get any bigger than that!

  • Cheese in the nose

    Instead of calling a conclusion that does not follow from the underlying logic a non sequitur, which is Latin for “it does not follow,” I think naming it for the Latin phrase for “cheese in the nose” would have made less, and thus more, sense.

  • Mother Nature and the Buttercups

    I was out playing golf and sliced a shot into a field of buttercups.

    Just as I was about to hit, I heard a voice say, “Don’t hurt any buttercups.”

    I asked, “Who are you?”

    “I’m Mother Nature. If you can chip out of this field of buttercups without harming a single one, I’ll guarantee you have butter every day for the rest of your life.”

    I said, “Screw you. Where were you last week when I sliced into a field of pussy willows?”

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  • Inspect Her Gadget

    I’m starting a vibrator repair service.
    I’m calling it “Inspect Her Gadget.”

  • Before and After Marriage

    Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves.

    After marriage, the “Y” becomes silent.