Have you seen the movie about the fish that works at the cardboard company?
Unfortunately, it flopped at the box office.
Sensitivity: Clean
Clean humor, jokes, memes, and questionable punchlines from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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The Professor’s Lecture
A professor was preparing for his lecture course at the start of the semester.
On the first day, he got to the lecture hall five minutes early to drop off his hat. He then left to pick up some things from his office, then went back to the lecture hall to start class.
But when he got back, he was surprised to see that many of the students who were there when he dropped off his coat and hat had left. Afterwards, he sent out an email to the entire class asking why the students left.
One student replied, “We saw you drop off your hat and then leave. So we thought you left for good, and the lecture was cancelled.”
Annoyed, the professor emailed the students, “When a person has left their hat, please assume that the person is still in the room!”
The next day, he walked into the lecture hall to find it empty, but with the students’ hats on each chair.
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My girlfriend is incredibly self-absorbed.
My girlfriend is incredibly self-absorbed. The good thing is that she saves a bundle on sanitary napkins.
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I often wish I had a time machine, if for no other reason than to go back to the
I often wish I had a time machine, if for no other reason than to go back to the invention of the automatic hand-dryer and lay claim to being the first one to scuff the label to read “Push Butt.”
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I used to try a lot of different sports when I was a kid, without ever excelling in any
I used to try a lot of different sports when I was a kid, without ever excelling in any particular one. Then I got older and realized you can *buy* trophies. Now I’m good at everything.
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As the screaming woman in front of me lunged through the small opening in the Plexiglas,
As the screaming woman in front of me lunged through the small opening in the Plexiglas, trying to claw the eyes out of the server who she claimed skimped on her sprinkles, I began to regret having stopped for a treat at Drama Queen.
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If I could be anyone in history, I’d want to be Alexander Graham Bell’s assistant,
If I could be anyone in history, I’d want to be Alexander Graham Bell’s assistant, Thomas Watson. That way, when Bell made that historic first phone call and uttered his famous words, “Mr. Watson, come here. I want to see you,” I could have said, “May I ask who’s calling?”
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Many believe that sarcasm is the lowest form of wit.
Many believe that sarcasm is the lowest form of wit. Yeah, like *that’s* true.
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Sometimes I wonder what it will be like when the aliens come to take us all away.
Sometimes I wonder what it will be like when the aliens come to take us all away. Most likely we’ll be just outside Earth’s atmosphere when some stupid douche will start wailing about his needing to use the bathroom.
